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Rumor: Darth Vader Will Return in Star Wars Episode 7

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, November 12 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Rumor: Darth Vader Will Return in Star Wars Episode 7

A British tabloid is claiming that Darth Vader will be ressurected to appear in Star Wars Episode 7.

Source: The Express

The Daily Express, a legitimate news source and print equivalent of Bleeding Cool is claiming that Darth "Karl Rove" Vader will be resurrected in the new Star Wars trilogy. The newspaper, which claims it heard about the rumor "from a reader" (read: another website, probably), states that the villain has already been tapped to return for the new movies along with main characters Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Leia Organa.

"He’s an integral part of the franchise," claims a mole via the Express. "Replacing him is virtually impossible. The plan is for him to return and play a significant role in the new films."

Obviously, this should be taken with a grain of salt, but if The Express's infiltration skills are anything like Bleeding Cool's, their version of Rich Johnston has been wearing sunglasses and a fake mustache, posing as George Lucas's assistant, for several months already, and, after learning of the Darth Vader news, made a daring escape from the Skywalker Ranch by clutching the landing skids of a helicopter as an enraged Lucas and his guards fired assault rifles wildly into the air.

Upon learning of this rumor, fans stoically and silently accepted that the new Star Wars movies might not live up to their expectations if dumbass things like bringing back Darth Vader were going to happen. Several moments later, George Lucas edited footage of the fans in order to make sure that their disappointment was made really clear, using computer audio editing technology to make the fans scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Star Wars: Episode 7, a product of the recent Disney acquisition of Lucasfilm, is due out in 2015, with additional movies to follow. The films have seen treatments written by Michael Arndt, and several big name directors are being considered to direct.



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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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