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EXCLUSIVE: Brian Bendis to Write "All Dialogue" Issue of All New X-Men

Written by ThanosCopter on Friday, December 07 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
EXCLUSIVE: Brian Bendis to Write

The comic will feature no artwork whatsoever.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

Brian Bendis announced today that he planned to write an "all dialogue" issue of All New X-Men as a way to keep Stuart Immonen ahead of schedule.  "My plan is to have issue #8 be entirely made up word bubbles and captions," the writer said on his Twitter account.  "No art whatsoever."

The writer has long been known for his large amounts of dialogue, much of which is in short bursts.  Bendis currently holds the world record for most word bubbles in a single panel of comics, with 63 bubbles appearing in one panel of New Avengers, in which characters Luke Cage and Jessica Jones discussed sandwiches and their lack of code names.

Bendis explained that the "all dialogue" issue will have an in-story reason for the lack of art.  "My plan is to have the X-Men be stranded in a snowstorm," he said.  "The story will open with them eating breakfast in the snowstorm, then discussing what to do about the snowstorm, then finally being attacked by the snow ninjas that caused the snow storm.  It'll be a neat 'done in one' type of story."

The writer seemed excited to experiment with an art-free comic.  "People have been reading comics with tons of dialogue for years," he said.  "This is just a natural evolution of the art form. I imagine that we'll one day see comics that have no art or panels at all and are entirely based around a writer's ability to describe scenes and write dialogue." 

 When asked what separated his art-free comic idea from prose novels, the writer seemed confused.  "I thought novels died along with newspapers and magazines," the writer said.  "Also, no one's ever written a 'novel' featuring Marvel superheroes.  That'd be as ridiculous as a Star Trek novel or a written version of those ridiculous Twilight movies."

The news seemed to please Cory Petit, letterer for All New X-Men.  "When I found out that I was working on a Bendis title, I had my agent ensure that I get paid by the word," he said in a phone interview.  "I'm expecting that the money I make off this will help put a down payment on the Bermuda vacation home my wife always wanted."

Marvel execs also supported the idea.  "This is a great opportunity to build our bottom line even more since we don't have to pay a penciller," said Joe Quesada, a former penciller. "All dialogue issues such as this one will also give Marvel a chance to produce more comics without waiting on delay-prone artists that only hold things up.  To sum up: fuck artists."

Fans seemed to be excited by the announcement as well.  "The Great One can do no wrong," said K. C. Chris, a Bendis enthusiast and ass-kisser.  "This will probably be the greatest comic book ever written, which can only be topped by the 'all breakfast' issue of All New X-Men that we'll be seeing in 2014." 

UPDATE:  It appears that the issue will be pushed back three weeks due to artistic delays and will be expanded to three issues in order to squeeze even more dialogue while keeping with the decompression that he's so well known for.  The Outhouse will keep you updated with further developments unless we forget about this story since we made it up in the first place. 


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About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


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