The popular writer of many things, including comics, says the tour for The Ocean at the End of the Lane will be his last.
Sorry, losers. Neil Gaiman doesn't feel like signing your books any more. Deal with it.
Gaiman, the favorite author of everyone who doesn't read any other real novels, is embarking on a tour for his new book, The Ocean at the End of the Lane, but he says that it will be his last.
"Really, what are you going to do about it," Gaiman would have said if he wasn't being polite. "You're going to buy my books no matter what. There's really nothing for me to gain from this, and I have better things I could be doing with my valuable time."
Instead of spending hours signing his name for adoring fans who plunk down $23.99 for his bestselling novels, Gaiman plans to spend time with his weirdo art-rock girlfriend, Amanda Palmer, of the emo band Dresden Dolls. "We've got a performance art thing planned where Neil will pour pig urine all over me in a glass box at Piccadilly Circus," Palmer told us, or would have if we had actually spoken to her. "It'll be deep and fucking meaningful."
Gaiman hopes that people will respect his wishes and his right to privacy in this matter, just as he and Jonathan Ross did in the 2007 documentary In Search of Steve Ditko when, after being told by Ditko that he didn't want any visitors, Ross and Gaiman barged up to his office to harass him anyway.
The Ocean at the End of the Lane hits stores on June 18, 2013.