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Amazing Spider-Man #700 Reprint Teaches Us How to Be Better People

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, December 31 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Amazing Spider-Man #700 Reprint Teaches Us How to Be Better People

Marvel has revealed the variant cover for the second printing of Amazing Spider-Man #700, and taught us all a lesson in the process.

Source: Press Release

The Outhouse has always wondered why Marvel Comics doesn't seem to like us as much as other sites. Are we not pretty enough? Do we smell bad? Is it something we said?

Marvel answered that question in today's press release about Amazing Spider-Man #700 when it highlighted the praise the issue received from Newsarama, Comic Book Resources, IGN, and Ain't It Cool News.

As it turns out, instead of saying that Marvel has no idea what to do with Spider-Man and that they are ruining Peter Parker, what we should have said was "Dan Slott has done everything in his power to remind us all why Peter Parker is the greatest super-hero in the Marvel Universe," like Newsarama did. Instead of calling Amazing Spider-Man #700 a steaming pile of donkey doo doo, what we should have done was call it "an emotional, impactful and memorable Spider-Man story," like CBR did. Now we understand.

You see, making fun of Amazing Spider-Man writer Dan Slott and calling him a despicable midget who ruined the legacy of one of the most iconic superheroes of all time was wrong. Instead, we might have said something more constructive, like Compuserve leftover Ain't It Cool News did when they said that "Slott will be remembered as one of the best Spider-Man writers of all time." If we had made just the tiniest bit of effort to be more positive, like IGN did when they managed to muster up "the conflict is certainly worthy of a milestone issue," we would have endeared ourselves to Marvel's management a lot more effectively.

From this point onward, until at least the end of the year, The Outhouse vows to be more careful about what we say about Marvel comic books. Until January 1st of next year, we won't say anything else about Marvel NOW!, Amazing Spider-Man, Superior Spider-Man, Avengers vs. X-Men, or any other awful comics. Sorry, we mean awesome comics. We will not make fun of Dan Slott's weight, Joe Quesada's greed, Stephen Wacker's childish internet antics, or John Cassaday's inability to produce more than three comics in a single year for the rest of 2012. We promise.

So thank you, Newsarama, CBR, IGN, and Ain't It Cool News. You showed us the light. You taught us a new way to live. And, in the case of Ain't It Cool News, you taught us that a website design that originated around the time Bill Clinton was sexing up interns in the Oval Office like a totally non-rapey Doctor Octopus sexes up Mary Jane Watson in the groundbreaking Amazing Spider-Man #700 is just as good as a website design that has been updated in the last fifteen years. You guys are the best. Please never change.

Oh yeah, here's the press release:

Marvel Unveils The All-New, Hotly-Anticipated Second Printing Cover to AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #700!

It’s the story that rocked headlines around the world – Peter Parker is no more. Long live the all-new Spider-Man! Due to overwhelming demand, Marvel is proud to present your first look at the ALL-NEW, jaw dropping second printing cover to Amazing Spider-Man #700 by superstar Humberto Ramos. That’s right, the 700th issue of the long running series is no longer available at the distributor level and if you missed Dan Slott & Humberto Ramos’ critically acclaimed story the first time around, head over to your local comic shop and reserve the Amazing Spider-Man #700 Second Printing Variant.

But don’t take our word for it – see what everyone has to say about Peter Parker’s final fight against Doctor Octopus!

“Slott will be remembered as one of the best Spider-Man writers of all time.” – Aint It Cool News

“[A]n emotional, impactful and memorable Spider-Man story.” –

“Dan Slott has done everything in his power to remind us all why Peter Parker is the greatest super-hero in the Marvel Universe.” –

“The conflict is certainly worthy of a milestone issue.” –

Then, on January 9th, Marvel launches Superior Spider-Man #1, an all-new ongoing series from Slott and superstar artist Ryan Stegman (Fantastic Four, Scarlet Spider)! Shipping twice-monthly, Superior Spider-Man launches a new chapter in the Marvel mythos, as Doctor Octopus strikes out on his own to be the greatest Spider-Man this world has ever known. But can he keep up the ruse? Will Spidey’s closest allies discover the fate of Peter Parker? And can this Spider-Man truly be a hero?

Don’t miss out on the story that’s taken the world by storm—Amazing Spider-Man #700 Second Printing Variant on-sale later this month at your local comic shop!

FOC – 1/7/13, ON SALE 1/30/13

Written by DAN SLOTT
Art & Cover by RYAN STEGMAN
ON SALE – 1/9/13


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!