Marvel has released a teaser for Journey Into Mystery which makes fat people feel bad.
Source: Press Release
The latest Marvel NOW! teaser, titled "Ravenous," reveals that Italian artist Matteo Scalera will be taking over art chores on Journey Into Mystery in April, but the teaser is making waves on the internet as it is offensive to lard-asses, fatsos, and blubber-butts. The teaser shows Volstagg, one of the Warriors Three, holding a turkey leg instead of a weapon like the other characters. This clearly implies that all Norse gods are gluttons, which is a very damaging stereotype.
"I'm highly offended by this," said fat Outhouse reporter Jude Terror, who has been known to talk to himself in articles. "People think its funny to laugh at jokes, but they don't realize that it's promoting institutionalized fatism and setting back the equal rights movement for fatties by fifty years."
Fat people aren't the only ones offended by the teaser. Crybabies of all sizes have taken up the cause as well. "This isn't offensive on the level of Big Bang Theory," said Gus Sterlingham, a professional white knight, "but I've still blocked 15 people on Facebook and cried three times today over it."
"Waaahhhh," added Sterlingham.
The Outhouse hopes that Marvel can learn to be more responsible with these teasers, but honestly, it may simply be too late. At this point, anything anyone does is likely to be offensive to someone, so it might be best if everyone just locked themselves in their houses and never spoke to or even looked at another human being. This is probably the only way to ensure that everyone's rights and feelings are protected in the way we all deserve.
Luckily, comic book fans, socially awkward shut-ins by nature, have already begun this process.