Eleven Year Old Boys Aroused by New Boobilicious Harley Quinn Action Figure
- Written by ThanosCopter on Thursday, February 07 2013 and posted in News and Satire
The toy plans to corner the "boys who just hit puberty in the last six months" market.
Source: Facebook
DC has revealed a new action figure that it hopes will make an impression, at least in teenage boy's pants. The action figure, based on Harley Quinn from the upcoming video game Injustice, is perhaps the most scandalous toy to appear on the market since Mattel's ill-fated "Lipstick Blowjob Party Barbie" doll back in 2006.
"This action figure is definitely aimed at the influential 'old enough to masturbate, too young to search for porn' market," said DC action figure advisor and pervert Zack Kavon.
The action figure features Harley wearing a long, open vest with the bulk of her breasts exposed. The character is also wearing panties and a set of high socks with diamonds poorly painted up each side.
"I paint diamonds on the slutty lady myself," said three year old action figure painter Quinji Xao, speaking from the sweatship where the action figure was surely assembled. We asked Xao for more comments, but the child instead instantaneously hit puberty after painting the sculpted legs and crotches of 10,000 action figures and excused himself to go to the bathroom, action figure in hand.
DC seems unconcerned with the inevitable outrage that action figure is sure to cause. "If we don't give a shit about our fans, why would we care about parents and conservative prudes?" asked Kavon. "And it's not like girls buy action figures anyways, so they don't have any right to be offended." While we disagreed with Kavon's statement, we figure that the inevitable reaction from anyone with good taste will get that point across soon enough.
While DC Collectibles was kind enough to send us an advance review copy of the action figure, were we unable to able to give it a comprehensive look after finding it making the beast with three backs in the backseat of our Barbie corvette with a vintage Optimus Prime and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Donatello. We were forced to have it committed to a toy nunnery before it spread its immorality and corruption throughout our prized toy collection. However, judging from the position we found it in, it does seem that the toy had lots of points of articulation.
Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook
About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
More articles from ThanosCopter