JGL cited internet rumors as the source of confusion, causing him to forget which movies he's actually been cast in.
This is El Presidente, reporting from a barrel about to go over Niagara Falls.
Sin City 2 began filming last fall, comrades, but it wasn't until this afternoon that popular actor and fanboy heartthrob Joseph Gordon-Levitt, or JGL as we successful Hollywood rumor columnists call him, actually showed up on set. It turns out that the actor had been misled by dozens of daily articles on comic book websites claiming he will be cast in every geek-related movie currently in any stage of production. JGL has even been rumored to have been cast in movies that exist only in the mind of that poseur El Mayimbe at Latino Review, such as the completely fictional Justice League movie which is never going to be made.
"No, I'm not Batman! No, I'm not Drax the Destroyer! No, I'm not 'already signed on to play Luke Skywalker's son, Joseph Gordon-Skywalker!'" ranted a frustrated JGL when I asked him for comment. "Jesus Christ!"
JGL is not sure why comic book fanboys are so obsessed with him, but he really wishes they'd knock it off. "I appreciate that they're fans and all that, but maybe they could just lay off a little bit."
"It's hard for me to keep track," he explained. "Every morning there's someone saying I've been cast in another movie. I call my agent, and I'm like, 'Cathy, am I reprising Kurt Russell's role in a Big Trouble in Little China remake? Because I'm reading that I am. It says it's a sure thing' She doesn't even know."
"Eventually we have to just give up and kind of go with it," he admitted. "I show up to filming locations sometimes that I'm not even sure exist. I just try to go to everything I might have been cast in. It's exhausting."
JGL has always been popular with geeks, thanks to his performance in Christopher Nolan's Inception, but his appearance in last year's Dark Knight Rises and the cult hit Looper have skyrocketed his popularity in our little corner of the internet.
"I wasn't even supposed to be in Looper," JGL told us in a shocking, industry credited trade scoop, one of dozens to the credit of myself and the people of Cuba. "It was Shia LaBeouf. But I showed up on set because this guy, Gus Sterlingham from ComicBooks.net, wrote like twelve articles saying I was in it, and they ended up liking me more. Shia still holds a grudge."
But he's still in the movie, right?
"Yeah, they're filming the whole thing on green screen in Robert Rodriguez's basement," JGL assured me, "so I haven't really missed anything."
I got lucky this time," he pleaded, "but please, just stop writing articles about me, okay? Look, if I get cast in something, I'll let you guys know. I promise."
I know how he feels. When I was president of Cuba, capitalist scum in the media was always telling lies about me. Oh, Fidel is going to be meeting with Gorbachev in Moscow to talk about missiles. Fidel is trading arms in Venezuela. Fidel is trying to negotiate peace between the Zapatistas and the Mexican government. Look at these pictures of Fidel getting wasted with Nelson Mandela. It's bullshit, man.
So stop writing articles about Joseph Gordon-Levitt, comic book media. You're just making things more difficult, and we're never going to get him cast in Ghostbusters 3 if we blow it by crying wolf so often.
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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