Casey Jones Rejoices as TSA Lightens Carry-On Restrictions
- Written by ThanosCopter on Wednesday, March 06 2013 and posted in News and Satire
The TMNT supporting character will now be allowed to carry on many of the sporting items he uses in his fight against crimes.
Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
The TSA announced that it would be relaxing its restrictions on carry-on items today, allowing airplane passengers to carry small folding pocket knifes, golf clubs, lacrosse sticks and whiffle ball bats onto the plane in their luggage. The move helps to line up TSA standards with international norms.
One fan of the new changes was Casey Jones, the comic book character and longtime ally of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The character, who uses a plethora of sport equipment when fighting ninjas and gang members, was pleased to learn that he'd be able to carry many of his weapons onto the plane.
"Freakin' sweet!" exclaimed the fictional character. "Golf clubs? Hockey sticks? Ski poles?! This is like 30% of my golf club/weapons bag. I'm disappointed that my cricket bat didn't make the cut, but at least I won't get caught with my pants down should the Purple Dragons try to hijack a plane or somethin'."
Not everyone feels the changes go far enough. The TSA decision to continue the ban on swords, nunchucks, sais and bo staffs, which effectively prohibits Jones' allies, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, from flying on a commercial airplane. "This is so lame," said Michelangelo, self-proclaimed spokesperson for the Turtles. "None of our weapons can actually be used for violence. Anyone who's ever seen any of our live-action films know we just hold them in our hands while punching people."
"Anyways, Leo says that we're not allowed to fly until we can safely conceal our weapons under large trenchcoats in order to protect ourselves from the inevitable Foot Clan ambush."
The TSA, however, backs their continued ban on ninja weapons. "Should the Foot Clan decide to fly on American commerical airlines, they'd be beholden to the same rules that regulate all passengers," said Richard Dreyfuss, press spokesperson for the TSA. "They'd have to check their swords, knives, smoke bombs, throwing stars and bows and arrows at the airline. None of that qualifies as carry on luggage."
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About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
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