Resident movie scooper El Presidente delivers some shocking news about space movies.
Greetings, comrades. This is El Presidente, reporting to you live from the Moon. Why the Moon? Because I have big space news.
Originally, I was going to report to you from the ISS, but I didn't want those pesky astronauts tweeting spoilers before I could tell you. And I couldn't go to Mars, because the Curiosity Rover is just too curious about the bombs I'm about to drop.
Anyways, I've got two major spoilers here today.
The first involves the Guardians of the Galaxy. We've received news that the Nova Corps will be appearing in the film. While that's been a rumor for a while, we discovered a secret message encoded in the official concept art released by Marvel last year at SDCC. The message was hidden in the Nova Corps spaceships flying in the background and it read "The Nova Corps are definitely in this film." Not that the Nova Corps spaceships in the background gave any indication.
So boom! That was a major scoop. One that we didn't steal from AICN at all! I imagine that this Nova scoop is a RPG right into the bedroom of Marvel Entertainment's president Kevin Feige's third mistress. You declare war on El Presidente, you get the horn, Feige!
The second scoop comes to us straight from the mouth of one of my favorite people. No, not Taylor Swift. but Carrie Fisher, the former Princess Leia, who still looks good in a metal bikini.
When asked by the Palm Beach Illustrated whether she could confirm whether she'd be reprising the Princess Leia role, she responded "Yes."
Now whether that means that she is playing Princess Leia or simply whether she knew if she'd be playing Princess Leia in Star Wars Episode VII is anyone's guess. The Palm Beach Illustrated didn't bother to follow up!
And this my friends, is why I hate free media. There's a reason I ordered the execution of dozens of journalists during my reign in Cuba. You need to ask the tough questions, Palm Beach Illustrated. Go work in a mailroom, get some hustle and then come back to me when you've successfully survived three American assassination attempts.
Anyways, those are today's big scoops. Keep following the Outhouse, comrades. I'm still sitting on a major scoop that will blow you away!
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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