Iron Man 3 Has a Man-Thing Connection
- Written by El Presidente on Wednesday, March 13 2013 and posted in News and Satire
El Presidente breaks some exciting Iron Man 3 news.
Source: Iron Man 3's Production Notes
Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting from you live from inside Barry Manilow's closet. Why? Because it's very spacious and filled with fabulous clothing!
This morning's scoop is a hot one and might spark some controversy amongst the Marvel faithful. I've just learned that Iron Man 3 will feature a "Man-Thing Connection", which I can only presume is some sort of Hollywood slang for a sex scene between two dudes. That's right! It looks like Tony Stark will be taking a trip to Brokeback Mountain with James Rhodes! I can hear Tumblr squeeing with delight now!
While I was never known for my support of progressive social programs during my time as the leader of Cuba, being a Hollywood journalist has taught me to be a lot more tolerant. If Marvel wants to turn Iron Man into a superhero who not only bangs the luscious Gwenyth Paltrow, but also that steamy hunk of man Don Cheadle, all power to the company! It's about time Marvel promoted superheroes who aren't straight white males. Plus, who isn't looking forward to the inevitable thre--
Ah, my friends. Barry Manilow has informed me that I was mistaken about the "Man-Thing Connection". He says that Stephanie Szostak will be playing Ellen Brandt in Iron Man 3. In the comic books, Brandt is the wife of SHIELD Agent Ted Sallis, who eventually becomes the swampy hero Man-Thing. Thank goodness that Barry Manilow is an expert on Man Things, or else I would have made an erroneous report, something that ruins the career of Hollywood scoopbloggers.
Well, comrades, that's all I have for now. Now if you'll excuse me, Barry has told me that he knows of a few places where I might be able to find some scoops...if I do enough prodding. Know that El Presidente will poke and prod whereever he must to find the hottest Hollywood scoops!
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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