After a busy day at the Marvel offices, Stephen Wacker took to Twitter yesterday to decry a box of delicious Thin Mint cookies that he found troublesome to open. "If you thought AvX was exciting you should check out Steve vs. These Damn Thin Mints," the frustrated editor Tweeted. Rushing to his defense as usual, Daredevil writer Mark Waid quickly located a Girl Scouts meeting at a nearby elementary school and went on the attack.
"Any of you little shits sells Stephen Wacker a difficult-to-open box of cookies again, you're gonna be eating through a straw for the rest of your life!" shouted Waid to a troup of Daisies, the division of the Girl Scouts of America reserved for girls ages 5-7. "He's the most professional man I've ever known, dammit!"
Waid then grabbed a box of Tagalongs from a table, threw it violently to the floor, and stomped on it repeatedly before storming out of the building, leaving behind a mess of chocolate and peanut butter crumbles and sobbing children.
After police detectives were finished investigating, The Outhouse asked one of the little girls who Mark Waid made cry for comments. "I don't know why the man was so mean to me," said Katie Bonds, a six year old with tears streaming down her face. "Why did the man break our cookies? I don't even know who Mister Wacker is."
When we informed Katie that Wacker was a powerful editor at Marvel Comics, she returned a blank stare. "Is he friends with Hulk?" she finally asked.
"I'm tired of people giving Stephen Wacker a hard time," Waid reportedly told associates later that night. "I've been standing up for him since 2006, when Newsarama message board posters were talking shit about Wacker leaving DC during the publishing of the weekly comic, 52."
"He's my little buddy," Waid added, looking wistful. "You don't mess with a guy's little buddy."
Waid most recently came to Wacker's aid when Before Watchmen writer J. Michael Straczynski was fighting with Wacker on Twitter over the state of Amazing Spider-Man sales after Straczynski left the book, saying of the notoriously wishy-washy creator, "Half an hour later, still fuming at JMS’s shitty passive-aggressiveness. I should probably go walk it off. Maybe with a long walk. A long, dull, pointless, boring walk. Across America. ... That I won’t finish."
Wacker isn't the only subject that gets Waid's blood boiling. Last year, he ripped into Newsarama editor in chief Lucas Siegel when Siegel named Christopher Reeve one of the top ten worst superhero film actors in a hit-baiting fluff article.
Stay tuned to The Outhouse this weekend for a followup story: Mark Waid berates Outhouse Writers After Not Getting Joke in Satirical Article
Given the obesity epidemic in the US, can we all agree that these Girl Scouts and their delicious cookies are the enemies of America?— Stephen Wacker (@StephenWacker) March 15, 2013
If you thought AvX was exciting you should check out "Steve vs. These Damn Thin Mints".— Stephen Wacker (@StephenWacker) March 15, 2013