El Presidente here, reporting from the back of a Norwegian Ridgeback, because this news will make you horn... no, that's not right... because I'm about to breathe fire on your fat, American asses!
Here's the scoop, comrades: Disney is making another Star Wars spinoff film. The film will be directed by David Lowery, who recently directed the Sundance hit Ain't Them Bodies Saints, and it will center around an orphan boy and his pet dragon. Also, the movie will not be a Star Wars film, and it will actually be a remake of the 1977 live action/animation hybrid, Pete's Dragon.
This is fantastic news, my friends! In Cuba, we did not have Pete's Dragon because of your tyrannical, capitalist government's dastardly trade embargoes. I ask you, what thanks is that for giving you Ricky Ricardo? Nevertheless, we did have the Cuban remake, Un hombre de éxito by Humberto Solás, which I enjoyed immensely, and which won Best Production Design and Grand Coral - First Prize at the 1986 Havana Film Festival. That is a true fact, comrades, and not the result of randomly choosing a film from Wikipedia's list of Cuban films.
Stay tuned to CubanoReview.com, the one true Latino-themed source of Hollywood rumors on the web, with over three dozen industry credited trade scoops to our glorious name. Oh, I apologize, over three dozen and one, as we scooped the mainstream comics media on test footage for Edgar Wright's Ant Man last night.
That's right. That's what it's all about in Hollywood, baby. Keeping score. El Presidente out.
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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