Source: Yahoo! Movies
El Presidente here, reporting from inside the new Carrie Kelly's underpants. Why? Well, there has to be some reason she's posed like that! It might as well be me!
Comrades, I'm here to talk to you today about Kellan Lutz, who I have been assured is a star of the Twilight film franchise, though I wouldn't personally know, because I don't watch those movies. Really, I don't. I feel that Twilight represents the worst aspects of a society ravaged by uncontrolled capitalism and rampant consumerism.
OK, fuck it, I'm totally team Edward.
Anyway, Kellan Lutz plays Edward's brother Emmett in those movies, and now Yahoo is reporting that Lutz will play Hercules in the upcoming Hercules 3D movie. This is the Millennium Studios version of Hercules, directed by Renny Harlin, which should not be confused with MGM's Hercules, directed by Brett Ratner, which is sure to be a completely different take on the character. Yahoo also refers to Hercules as a "Roman" hero, which just goes to show you how far the value of education has fallen in your terrible country.
Personally, I don't understand the obsession Americans have with the heroes of Greek myth. When are we going to get a movie about more deserving legends like Karl Marx, who, instead of fighting giant three-headed snake monsters with his fists, combats the dictatorship of the bourgeoisie using powerful ideas and messages. I envision Michael Bay to direct.
Seriously, the screenplay is already written. Call me, Mikey baby. We'll do lunch.
Hercules 3D begins production next month in Bulgaria, presumably due to the widespread availability of cheap Viagra. Stay tuned to CubanoReview for more industry credited trade scoops, comrades, and please feel free to masturbate to the picture below of Lutz's nude torso! It's not gay if he's that sexy.
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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