Hola! El Presidente here, reporting from MARGARET THATCHER WAS A CUNT! How does that even make sense? It doesn't, but I learned today that it was okay to say so because of her conservative politics! Ha ha ha! You stupid Brits and Americans and your nonsensical rules of social engagement!
Oh, calm down! Of course, I am only kidding about ol' Maggie. After all, according to Wikipedia, I took "particular interest in the policies of Margaret Thatcher in the United Kingdom, believing that Cuban socialism could learn from her emphasis on low taxation and personal initiative" in the latter days of my career as President of Cuba, so I am deeply saddened by her passing. Annette Funicello, on the other hand, was a capitalist jezebel whose Mickey Mouse propaganda and filthy beach movies with Frankie Avalon helped to spread the hedonism and selfishness that have led to the decline of your once great nation. But I digress...
Comrades, I have got some scooperific news for you today. That poser El Mayimbe over at the second-rate Latino-themed Hollywood rumor site, LatinoReview, is reporting that Evil Dead director Fede Alavarez and screenwriter Rodo Sayagues are working on a Doctor Strange movie for Marvel. Mayimbe says this at the beginning of his article, and then backpeddles the rest of the time, pointing out that maybe the pair just went to Marvel because they are rumored to have really good meatloaf on Thursdays in the office cafeteria. El Mayimbe also whines about the imaginary entertainment industry conspiracy to discredit his scoops, and then begs readers to sign up for his mailing list so he can spam them with more crybaby messages about how he is always right and no one ever believes him.
My friends, El Mayimbe's problem is that he has no cojones. I, however, have no compunctions with calling this a Grade A Certified Angus Beef Scoop with a Side of Scoop Fries, thus showing, once again, that CubanoReview is the superior source for all your Latino-themed scoops and rumors. Why would you go anywhere else for all the industry gossip?
There is no word yet on whether or not Joseph Gordon-Levitt will play any role in the rumored movie, but if he does, please remember that you heard about it here first.
Expect this movie to definitely get made, at some point, by someone, maybe even as an amateur production on YouTube, eventually. Keeping score, baby!
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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