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Rick Pitino Uses Age of Ultron to Win Basketball Championship

Rick Pitino Uses Age of Ultron to Win Basketball Championship

The Louisville coach sabotaged his opponents by sending them copies of the Marvel event.



Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

Rick Pitino, the head coach of the Louisville Cardinals' men's basketball team, knew that his team would have a tough time defending the Michigan Wolverines in last night's National Championship Game. Facing an explosive offense led by National Player of the Year Trey Burke and having lost backup guard Kevin Ware to a horrific leg injury, Pitino decided to make a preemptive strike against the Wolverines by sending them copies of Age of Ultron #1- #4 to throw them off their game.  "We needed an edge," Pitino said.  "Luckily Marvel's producing some truly horrendous comic books right now.  There's no good defense against a truly bad comic book."

The tactic played dividends as Louisville outlasted Michigan 82-76 in last night's National Championship game.  While Michigan seemed unaffected by the comic, it slowly began to play a toll throughout the game. "At first, I was just real mad," said Michigan freshman Spike Albrecht.  "But then I just kept thinking about Luke Cage's off panel death and my shots just wouldn't fall."

Although Michigan jumped out to a 12 point lead, Louisville clawed their way back after Pitino shouted "Black Panther fell down a flight of stairs and broke his neck!" at Michigan's bench during a critical timeout.

The comment, referencing one of the many terrible plot points in Age of Ultron seemed to instantly dishearten Michigan's team and helped turn the tide back in Louisville's favor.  "Why would Pitino say that?" said an emotional Burke after the game.  "Black Panther is an icon to so many people.  All I could think about is how Marvel used one of my favorite superheroes as cannon fodder.  My heart just wasn't in it after that."

Although Michigan coach John Beilein tried to rally his team, he simply couldn't get them motivated.  "I told them 'Guys, we're getting killed out there on rebounds.  Are you just going to stand around and let them do this to you?'" Beilein said after the game.  "And one of the guys said 'That's all Captain America has done for four issues.'  It was right then I knew we were screwed."

Beilein was upset at Pitino's tactics and vowed revenge for what he considered to be a dirty tactic.  "I'm going to send Louisville copies of Superior Spider-Man before every game," Beilein vowed.  "They won't win a dozen games next year."

However, Pitino seemed unconcerned.  "Half my guys can't read anyways," he said.  "So send all the crappy comics books you'd like.  Now if you'll excuse me, me and this championship trophy have to see a woman at a restaraunt."

 





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About the Author - ThanosCopter


ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
 

 


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