The city of Cleveland, Ohio is recognized around the world as being a leader in the fields of dilapidated buildings, depressed population, and losing sports teams, but the mayor of the city, Frank Jackson, wants to add birthplace of Superman to that already impressive resume. Though Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster were smart enough to base the Man of Steel out of Kansas and Metropolis instead of Cleveland, the two were residents of the Greenville neighborhood of the city when they created the character 75 years ago, and Mayor Jackson plans to honor the 75th anniversary on April 18th by declaring "Superman Day" and encouraging residents to send pictures of themselves cosplaying as Superman to city hall. The pictures will be posted on the city's website, presumably in an attempt to trick potential tourists into believing there is something worth seeing there so that they can be trapped forever upon visiting and their souls extracted to power the massive misery generators that reside beneath the city's crumbling landscape.
"HHHHHRrrrrrnnnnnnngggghhhhh!" said one resident of Cleveland when asked to comment on the announcement.
"RRRRaaaggghhhnnnnggghhhhh!" he added while trying to eat our brains.
The state of Ohio recently suffered a devastating blow to its self confidence when grandfather of the Marvel Universe, Stan Lee, canceled a convention appearance after learning it was in Toledo, Ohio, calling Ohio "the worst state in the union." The state is also home to numerous writers for the universally hated comic book website The Outhouse, another black mark on its reputation. Obviously, Cleveland hopes to reclaim some comic book glory by making it known that the creators of another iconic comic book property were from the city. However, as of press time, the estates of both Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel were reportedly dropping all legal proceedings with DC Comics in order to join together with the publisher in a lawsuit to stop Cleveland from disparaging the names of the creators and tarnishing the Superman legacy by association.
UPDATE: Shortly after this article went to press, representatives for Superman announced that the Man of Steel would be taking a job with the Miami Heat NBA franchise, reportedly, "just to stick it to Ohio."
"Suck it, Ohio," Superman reportedly said in an uncharacteristically profane statement to the press. He then motioned at his crotch, accentuated by red underpants worn outside of his trousers, to drive the point home.
Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook
Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters are not welcome here. Thanks!