IDW proudly announced on their website today that they had once again won the award for Best Brand Execution in Publishing at a private ceremony held at Hasbro's offices in Providence, Rhode Island. As the only comic book publisher to publish licensed books based on Hasbro's intellectual properties, some might say that IDW was a shoe-in for the victory. After all, they publish books based on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, GI Joe, and Transformers, Hasbro's three biggest franchises. IDW, however, sees things a little differently...
"We won! We won! We won! Woooooo!" shouted an exuberant Chris Ryall, Editor in Chief of IDW comics when we spoke to him this morning. "Yeah, suck it Marvel! Suck it DC! Hey Image, tell me how my ass tastes!"
If we thought Ryall's celebration of the winning of an award for which he was the only contestent was a bit unnecessary, things soon began to make a lot more sense. As soon as he was done talking, two interns came charging into the room with a gigantic trophy. "Boss, we'd like to present you with this award for Best Gloating Following the Winning of an Award Which You Were the Only Competitor For," one of them said.
"Yesssss!" cheered Ryall, pumping his fist.
"Is this really necessary?" we asked, a little confused. Lights began flashing on the ceiling as a loud alarm went off. Several more interns entered the office.
"Jude Terror, we'd like to present you with this award for Best Wondering Whether Our Extravagant Award System is Necessary!" they jubilantly informed us.
"Congratulations, buddy" Ryall said while nudging us with his elbow. "You deserve it."
Quietly, we slipped out of Ryall's office and located the office of IDW Chief Financial Officer, Matthew Ruzicka. Ruzicka was slumped at his desk, head in his hands, sobbing quietly.
"We'll be broke by mid-summer," he told us, wiping tears from his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. "All these awards... we're blowing through our cash reserves way too quickly. Nobody will listen to me..."
Just then, three interns tried to enter Ruzicka's office carrying a very large trophy engraved with the words "Best Worrying About Spending All of Our Money on Useless Awards."
"Get out!" shouted Ruzicka, throwing his coffee mug at one of the interns. It shattered next to the intern's head, and the three of them scurried from the room.
"Cockroaches!" Ruzicka yelled. "I hope you got a reciept for that, you stupid bastards!"
After settling down, Ruzicka explained, "Look, I'm proud of the My Little Pony comic. It's achieved record sales for the company and for Hasbro, and it's allowed the property to reach a new audience. IDW is quickly becoming the go-to publisher for licensed properties, and that's something to be proud of."
"But these awards," he added, shaking his head. "It's out of control."
As a group of IDW employees marched down the hallway past Ruzicka's office singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" and carrying V.P. of Sales and latest recipient of the Best Vice President of Sales with a Name That Could Easily Be the Name of a Supervillain award, Alan Payne, on their shoulders, we slipped out of Ruzicka's office, leaving him to his misery. We were astonished at IDW's wasteful spending and their utter lack of perspective regarding these awards when we were approached by a group of employees carrying a large gold medal.
"Jude Terror, will you accept this award for Best Reporter of Fake News from a Comic Book News Site Named After a Toilet which May or May Not Also be a Dating Site for Gay Comic Book Fans?" they asked.
Of course we will, guys. We're honored.
Congratulations on your awards, IDW. You deserve it. Here's the press release:
IDW Takes Home a 4th Spud Award from Hasbro!
San Diego, CA (April 15, 2013) - In a ceremony held this week at Hasbro's offices in Providence, RI, IDW was presented with a prestigious Spud Award for Best Brand Execution in Publishing! Senior Editor John Barber was on hand to receive the award, presented by Hasbro's Director of Global Publishing Michael Kelly.
This year's Spud was presented for IDW's role in the massive success of MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC comics and their role in expanding the comics market to a new young audience, as well as achieving record sales.
"We've had a long, enjoyable, and very fruitful collaboration with Hasbro, so receiving this award is really meaningful," said IDW's CEO and Publisher Ted Adams. "The success of MY LITTLE PONY was due in no small part to that relationship and to the hard work of the series' editor, Bobby Curnow. Needless to say, we're looking forward to many more comics with our friends at Hasbro."
"When I first floated the idea of MY LITTLE PONY comics back in 2011, the idea was met with a bit of skepticism," said Hasbro's Michael Kelly. "But IDW is a publisher Hasbro can count on for both creativity and vision, and they delivered on that once again with comics that capture the magic and humor of the brand. The storytelling, the editorial, and the overall success of the launch made IDW the clear choice for this year's award."