ThanosCopter spent his weekend watching fancy-schmancy art films and now wants to write all his articles as super serious, black and white pieces. We hope you enjoy this presentation of La Prostituée était un Cheval.
Greg Pak sits at his computer, his eyes drained from a night of fitful sleep. His thoughts are nervous, his pale grey skin clammy, and sweat falls from his forehead onto the keyboard in front of him. Pak's world is a blur of black and white.
It is Monday morning and he is about to announce a kickstarter campaign for his new collaboration with Jonathan Coulton, Code Monkey Saves World. Instead of being jubilant about the launch, Pak is nervous. His RSS feed is curiously empty, free of the controversies that have plagued the comic book industry these last few weeks.
"La Pomme a-t-elle interdit le Carcajou Sauvage pour comporter un garçon Korean dans un costume de morceau de trois?" Pak mutters to himself as hallucinations of gutteral rodents flashes in front of his eyes. "Je ne parle pas même français," he adds, looking at his reflection in a mirror. Everything is black. And white.
He worries about other nightmare scenarios. Would Bleeding Cool learn that Joe Quesada made a discreet visit to a children's petting zoo? Would Twitter burst aflame upon learning that Wolverine would be declaring himself omnisexual in the next issue of Wolverine and the X-Men? Would Dan Didio accidentally fire himself via email?
Dozens of potential controversies flashed through his head, each one worse than the last. Would DC publish Superman's Long Underwear Tantrum Special without realizing its initials was SLUTS? Would Stan Lee launch a diatriabe about Canadian naval officers, alienating approximately .00000001% of the comic book community? Would Iceman finally come out his closet and earn the ire of Republicans across the United States?
A glass shatters on the floor. It is almost 9 AM.
Would someone finally have an issue with gay blowjobs in comics? Would some creator melt down publicly on Twitter? Would a publisher start releasing comics with promotional butt plugs and dildos?
Pak nervously watched as the seconds counted down to 9:00 AM, his Twitter feed dangerously quiet. Finally, the large grandfather clock sitting in front of his clock begins to chime. A single horse pops out from an intricate stable and begins to somberly neighs the hours.
Pak hits send on his email, visibly relaxed as the email finds its way to dozens of journalists' inboxes. His torture is over. Now all the sites will cover his news.
Then, a CNN news alert flashed on his television screen. "Breaking News: President Obama Declares that Iron Man 'Could Easily' Defeat Batman in One on One Fight," a newscaster declares in English.
Pak drops to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he cries as his computer catches fire, overloaded by dozens of bloggers rushing to deride and defend the American president. Overhead, the grandfather clock strikes 9:01 and then falls silent.