The Hollywood Reporter announced yesterday that "The Great One" Brian Michael Bendis and Marc Andreyko's Torso is moving along with its movie adaptation as David Lowery has been attached as screenwriter. Lowery is famous for having a critically acclaimed movie at the Sundance film festival, causing hundreds of bloggers who have never seen it to write things like "Lowery is famous for the Sundance favorite Ain't Them Bodies Saints, the tale of an outlaw who escapes from prison and sets out across the Texas hills to reunite with his wife and the daughter he has never met," thus giving the impression they've seen it even though they simply googled the title and copied the first line from IMDB.com. Like we just did.
Torso tells the apparently true story of Elliot Ness after his Al Capone days, tracking down a serial killer who leaves the torsos of his victims in the river and taunts the police in Cleveland. If someone left dead bodies in the river in Cleveland today, it would be considered an ecological improvement and increase property values in the surrounding neighborhoods.
Personally, we're just looking forward to seeing Elliot Ness spew Bendisisms in an ADHD version of The Untouchables:
Malone: You said you wanna get Capone.
Ness: Get Capone.
Malone: Get him?
Ness: I want to get Capone.
Malone: What are you prepared to do?
Ness: Anything within the law.
Malone: And then what are you prepared to do?
Malone: If you open the can on these worms you must be prepared to go all the way. Because they're not gonna give up the fight, until one of you is dead.
Ness: Like 'dead' dead'?
Malone: 'Dead' dead.
Ness: ...the hell?!
Malone: You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. *That's* the *Chicago* way! And that's how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that? I'm offering you a deal. Do you want this deal?
Ness: NOT LIKE THIS!!!
And so on. Torso will be produced by Circle of Confusion, which is a production company and not a nu metal band, Bendis and Andreyko, and David and Toby Halbrooks. If its previous development schedule is any indication, it will be in theaters sometime in 2035.
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About the Author - Jude Terror
Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work. Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.
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