Thursday, May 24, 2018 • Morning Edition • "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."

David Lowery to Write Bendis and Andreyko's Torso Movie

Written by Jude Terror on Thursday, April 18 2013 and posted in News with Benefits

David Lowery to Write Bendis and Andreyko's Torso Movie

The project is moving forward after almost a decade in development.

Source: THR

The Hollywood Reporter announced yesterday that "The Great One" Brian Michael Bendis and Marc Andreyko's Torso is moving along with its movie adaptation as David Lowery has been attached as screenwriter. Lowery is famous for having a critically acclaimed movie at the Sundance film festival, causing hundreds of bloggers who have never seen it to write things like "Lowery is famous for the Sundance favorite Ain't Them Bodies Saints, the tale of an outlaw who escapes from prison and sets out across the Texas hills to reunite with his wife and the daughter he has never met," thus giving the impression they've seen it even though they simply googled the title and copied the first line from Like we just did.

Torso tells the apparently true story of Elliot Ness after his Al Capone days, tracking down a serial killer who leaves the torsos of his victims in the river and taunts the police in Cleveland. If someone left dead bodies in the river in Cleveland today, it would be considered an ecological improvement and increase property values in the surrounding neighborhoods.

Personally, we're just looking forward to seeing Elliot Ness spew Bendisisms in an ADHD version of The Untouchables:


Malone: You said you wanna get Capone.

Ness: Get Capone.

Malone: Get him?

Ness: I want to get Capone.

Malone: What are you prepared to do?

Ness: Anything within the law.

Malone: And then what are you prepared to do?

Ness: Umm...

Malone: If you open the can on these worms you must be prepared to go all the way. Because they're not gonna give up the fight, until one of you is dead.

Ness: Dead?

Malone: Dead.

Ness: Like 'dead' dead'?

Malone: 'Dead' dead.

Ness: ...the hell?!

Malone: You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. *That's* the *Chicago* way! And that's how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that? I'm offering you a deal. Do you want this deal?



And so on. Torso will be produced by Circle of Confusion, which is a production company and not a nu metal band, Bendis and Andreyko, and David and Toby Halbrooks. If its previous development schedule is any indication, it will be in theaters sometime in 2035.


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

More articles from Jude Terror
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!