Responsible journalists all over the country were outraged this week upon learning New York Post ran a front page story showing a picture of two men with backpacks at the Boston Marathon and claiming they were suspects in the bombing that has killed three people and injured dozens more. The men appeared to be of Arab descent, which is all the evidence The Post needed to declare them guilty, despite the source of the photos being speculation on notoriously not-actual-news-sources 4chan and Reddit, whose members had taken to independently examining photos and videos of the bombing to identify potential suspects (see second photo below). One man, however, thinks that The Post's yellow journalism is a good thing: super soldier and American icon, Captain America.
"What the New York Post is doing is exactly what I would do in this situation," Captain America posted on his recently opened Myspace account. "For instance, if I learned that a bird-themed cosmic death god was heading toward the Earth, I would immediately seek out a teenager based on her genetics and cultural heritage, decide that she's guilty, and demand that she be taken into custody without any evidence that she'd committed any crime."
In the case of the photo published on the front page of the Post,* it turns out that, despite their non-white skin tone, the two men were a local high school track athlete and his coach, and they were innocently watching the race just like everyone else. Thanks to the Post's actions, the pair may suffer from the undeserved suspicion of people who recognize them for the rest of their lives. But one friend of Captain America, Iron Man, feels the Post didn't take things far enough.
"If it were me," Iron Man posted on his Tumblr blog," I would have probably built a giant space cannon and used it to blast a bird-themed cosmic space god into multiple pieces, and then forced those pieces to possess the two men."
"Then, if they used the cosmic bird death power for good," he continued, "I would get my friends together and hound them nonstop until they were driven to kill their former mentor, and then I would declare them terrorists and enemies of the state. That's what I would do."
Luckily, Captain America and Iron Man are fictional characters that don't really exist and can't cause that kind of irresponsible damage. The New York Post, on the other hand, is a widely known news outlet with a daily circulation of over 500,000 people, so perhaps they should act a little bit more responsibly than two spandex-wearing male power fantasies written by overgrown fanboys with the emotional maturity of twelve year old boys.
*The Verge had the decency to blur the photos to prevent further damage to the men's privacy, and we have not reprinted their names for that same reason. The men have been cleared of any wrongdoing.