Source: Bleeding Cool
Greetings, comrades! El Presidente here, reporting from inside a chemical weapons manufacturing plant in Syria. Why? Because this scoop is the bomb!!!
Hollywood gossip and rumor sites around the web are reporting that Lily James has been cast in the upcoming live action remake of Cinderella from Disney. James plays Lady Rose McClare in the PBS snorefest Downtown Abbey, a show about rich white people that everyone loves but can't explain why. To celebrate this casting, comrades, I've decided to watch five minutes of Downton Abbey to see what all the fuss is about. I will be right back...
Dear readers, Jude Terror here, filling in for the esteemed El Presidente. I'm sorry to report that after viewing several minutes of Downton Abbey, El Presidente fell into a deep coma and was taken to a local hospital for emergency treatment. The Outhouse sends our wishes for a speedy recovery to El Presidente, and warns our readers that under no circumstances should they attempt to watch a show as horrifically boring as Downton Abbey without first getting advice from a qualified medical professional, such as a Nightmare Nurse.
On a positive front, I asked my six year old daughter for comment on the Cinderella casting, and she replied that James was indeed "beautiful," but questioned Disney's wisdom in changing the character from a blonde to a brunnette, citing past continuity in the original animated feature film as well as appearances in coloring books, apparel, and other merchandise. She declined to elaborate on this position unless I agreed to get her a glass of chocolate milk, but The Outhouse refuses to negotiate with terrorists.
Get it? Terrorists?
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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