Tom J. Dennison of Newport News, Virginia was mowing his lawn on Sunday, August 27, 1999 when discarded refuse from an airplane flying overhead fell from the sky and landed on his head, putting him in a coma that he would not awake from until last Tuesday, almost fourteen years later. Thanks to the freak frozen poop accident, Dennison missed out on both the success of the modern comic book movie, which began arguably with 2000's X-Men film, as well as the career comeback of Robert Downey Jr., star of Iron Man 3, which utterly dominated the box office this weekend with a $350 million international weekend take. Because of this, Dennison found the success of the movie utterly bewildering.
"A movie based on a comic book?" Dennison reportedly remarked to a friend on Thursday when asked if he wanted to attend a midnight showing of Iron Man 3. "I don't think I could see another one of those after Batman and Robin."
Dennison's skepticism only increased when he learned that the star of the film was Robert Downey Jr., who, at the time of Dennison's accident, was a colossal screw-up who had been in and out of jail and rehab for several years. "Can't we just go see a Limp Bizkit concert or something?" Dennison suggested.
Despite the huge gap in Dennison's pop culture knowledge, however, Iron Man 3 had the biggest opening weekend of the year, and came in behind only last year's The Avengers to be the second biggest opening weekend of all time. The movie already has a cumulative take of over $680 million, since it opened in some international markets earlier than this weekend.
'If you had asked me if a superhero movie starring Robert Downey Jr. was going to be the number one movie of the year back before that flying turd knocked me unconscious for 14 years, I would have said you must have inhaled the pot smoke that President Clinton didn't," joked Dennison.
After waiting patiently for a chuckle that never came, Dennison went on, "I guess I've got a lot of catching up to do. I need to go home and check my America Online account, provided it hasn't been wiped out by the Y2K bug."
Iron Man 3 is in theaters now in IMAX, 3D, IMAX 3D, and Smell-o-vision.