After news spread of R&B superstar, Chris Brown’s, neighbors upset with the artists “street art” painted along the curb of his Hollywood Hills estate, DC Comics has decided to hire Brown for a two issue arc on Batgirl. Brown’s paintings, as described by one of his neighbors, have been responsible for “scaring local children” thus falling perfectly in line with DC’s current story-telling stratagems. The Outhouse called on DC Co-Publisher, Jim Lee (whose number we don’t really have) to elaborate:
"A DC/Chris Brown relationship is a marriage made in heaven. Not only is Mr. Brown’s art repulsive, juvenile, and off putting – characteristics missing since we lost Liefeld – but his reputation as a woman beating dill-weed is just the thing we at DC feels should be at the front of our marketing strategy. Not because we actually plan to produce this comic, but because we really want to get out that Orson Scott Card Superman book we needed an even more offensive creator to take the heat off him. What better way is there to make Orson Scott Card look good than by hiring Chris 'She Actually Came Back' Brown to work with Gail Simone on a character who was once paralyzed by a man?"
Following the announcement, Simone immediately requested a two month vacation via email firing to avoid being associated with Brown.
Not to be outdone, Marvel intends to hire Hip Hop's David Schwinner, Drake, to work on Captain Marvel to remind everyone they publish a comic with a female lead named after a male character too.
At this point, we don’t even know what to do anymore. I mean really, how many of you have such a low opinion of DC that you actually think this is a possibility? How sad is that?