Bleeding Cool is reporting that Batman #21's cover will be embalmed prior to release, presumably to make a point about their company's dying sales figures. While we're not certain as to why DC chose this particular book as it's one of their best sellers, we're certainly glad that they're subtly admitting the failure of the New 52 and preparing them to be shuffled off the mortal coil.
Curious as to exactly how DC will pull off this gimmick, The Outhouse asked two professional embalmers as to their methods. First, we spoke to Josiah Vanderbeer, of Vanderbeer Funeral Homes, about the embalming process the comic book covers will undergo. "Well, we start by injecting chemicals into the blood vessels," Vanderbeer said. "Then we suck out all the internal juices out before replacing it with formaldihyde. Then we repair any damage to the skin and stick 'em in a casket. I don't see how we can do that with a comic book cover, but I guess we'll find a way. Everything dies."
Imhotep, high priest of ancient Egypt uses different methods. "We pull the brain out of the comic book cover's nose and stick it in a jar. Then we do the same thing with the heart. Then we mummify it, stick it in a sarcophagus, build a pyramid around it and hope it doesn't come back to haunt us in 3,000 years."
We asked Dan Didio as to which method DC will be using for the comic book covers. "Embossed, you morons," he said. "I mean, no comment. You guys are blacklisted."
Not everyone at DC was offended by The Outhouse's mistake, however. After kicking The Outhouse out of DC's offices, DC Editor in Chief Bob Harras reached out to several Egyptian mummies to get them to write some comics for the New 52, saying, "I've run out of creators from the 1990s to hire, but the 2190s (BC) are completely untapped."
Unfortunately, after successfully signing one mummy to write a rebooted Legion of Super Heroes book, the mummy walked... well, shambled really... off the book after editorial mandates threatened to kill off a prominent minority character. The Outhouse reached out to the mummy for comment, who responded, "HHHHHRRRRNNNNNNGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"