Earlier today, Bleeding Cool reported on the ridiculous law suits facing Mark Millar and Frank Quitely’s Jupiter’s Legacy. For those of you too lazy to click that link, a band called Jupiter’s Children is suing Jupiter’s Legacy over the name Jupiter’s Children. It seems that Jupiter’s Legacy was originally called "Jupiter’s Children" but Millar and Quitely changed the name after learning of the band because, fuck it, why not. That was not good enough for Jupiter’s Children, and they set off to become the poster children (please don’t sue me) for annoying indy bands.
This story would be laughable if it weren’t so dangerous. Reporting from Washington DC, Outhouse ace reporter, Stoneman, is telling us that Beyoncé Knowles’ former band, Destiny’s Child, has filed a lawsuit against Jupiter’s Children over the use of the pluralization of the word “child.” Not to be outdone, Adam Herz and Paul Weitz, writer and director of American Pie respectively, are said to be filing an injunction against Destiny’s Child over the phrase “say my name.” In turn, American Pie is being sued by Bare Naked Ladies for back pay on soundtrack sales, BNL is being sued by They Might Be Giants for being a poor Canadian knock-off, TMBG is to be sued by The Robert Paulson Project for daring to be more famous, and finally, TRP will be sued by the estate of Nikola Tesla for not giving the inventor credit for his work that inspired TRP’s namesake.
But that's not all! Beleaguered U.S. space organization NASA kicked off an independent train of lawsuits when they filed for full custody of Jupiter’s children/moons, Europa, Ganymede and Callisto. George Lucas, learning of NASA’s project to map the chemistry necessary to maintain life on Europa sued the agency over the rights to create a forest moon. The Vatican, in desperate need of funds, launched an investigation into Lucas’s claims that he created anything without the aid of The Almighty. The Church was in turn sued by descendants of ancient Rome for stealing their lands and bastardizing their myths. The Romans were then sued by Jupiter for back pay in licensing rights, thus waking up Zeus who decided to bypass the whole judicial process and fired a bolt of lightning up Jupiter’s ass, thus negating any legacy he might have left behind.
As you can see, by suing Jupiter’s Legacy, Jupiter’s Children might just have well destroyed us all. We'll keep you posted on this story, but if you "learn" of any more frivolous lawsuit chains popping up, please post them in the comments section below.