Greetings, comrades! El Presidente here, reporting from the political moral high ground. Why? Someone had to take it after the Democrats abandoned it in last week!
Folks, I've got a scoop for you today. I'm not the first to report on this, but since only users with an an affinity for early nineties internet service provider Prodigy can stomach visiting Ain't It Cool News' archaic website, this is probably the first you're reading about it. It seems that Ronan the Accuser is set to be the villain in Marvel's upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy movie, at least according to AICN's sources. It is unknown whether Ronan will appear alongside Thanos, or whether Thanos will simply play a small part in the film, similar to his tease at the end of Avengers. Lee Pace, who has been announced as playing "a villain" in the film, may be the actor to portray Ronan.
Personally, I think this is a smart move, comrades. When I was President of Cuba, I made it a point to always keep at least one Accuser on staff at all times. An Accuser is important to good government and keeping the people in line. If your stupid capitalist government had the cohones to employ a corps of Accusers like Cuba and the Kree, maybe your people wouldn't be asking so many questions about Benghazi and the IRS and drones and banks and other political misconduct. I mean, really, one good zap from the Universal Weapon, and people forget all about tyranny and get right back to work on the cigar plantations, or whatever the fuck it is people do in Cuba.
Ah, those were the days.
(Editor's Note: Tobacco is only the third chief export from Cuba. So they'd more likely be working on the sugar plantations. You should know that, Fidel.)
Shut it, Editor!
Anyway, it should be pointed out that, in the Ultimate Comics universe, Ronan is the son of Thanos, and since the Marvel cinematic universe tends to use the Ultimate line for influence more than the regular Marvel U, it's likely that Ronan will have this back story, rather than Marvel attempting to explain the entire story of the Kree and the Supreme Intelligence. That's just speculation on my part, but, hey, if you've got a problem with that...
(brandishes Universal Weapon)
Guardians of the Galaxy will be in theaters in August, 2014.
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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