Greetings! It's El Presidente, reporting from inside Mark Wahlberg's underwear drawer!
Faithful readers, have I got another big scoop for you! This one comes from the website JoBlo.com, which has a fairly good reputation for being right on these things, despite the capitalist pig in their logo having little more than a wispy goatee and mustache instead of a full face and neck beard, like a real man has. Comrades, you know I always say that the true measure of a man is how bushy and luxurious his beard is, but, despite Jo Blo's inferior genetics, I think this rumor is pretty solid, and it could mean big things for Transformers 4.
So what's the scoop? It seems the fan-favorite Dinobots, previously excluded from Transformers movie continuity, will star in the movie. The villain Lockdown has a ship of decommissioned transformers, the Dinobots among them. Optimus Prime (which was, coincidentally, my nickname in college), revives them to ride them into battle, much as the heroic Cuban General Arnaldo Ochoa and his troops rode wild zebras into battle against oppressive Somali invaders in Ethiopia.
And that's not all comrades! The fan-favorite character, Megatron, is due to return as Galvatron. No, this isn't a flashback from the animated Transformers movie. It's the real deal, baby!
Man! Robot dinosaurs! Michael Bay is just ripping me off now! I remember back in 1965, Che Guevara and I attempted to use robot dinosaurs to destroy imperialism in the Congo. It would have worked, too, if the eye-lasers from a malfunctioning brontosaurus hadn't singed my brother Raul's mustache, forcing us to scrap the whole project. And here we are, fifty years later, and Michael Bay thinks he can steal from the people of Cuba, but he's wrong, comrades. This will work out no better for Bay than it did for that disgusting gigolo, JFK, at the Bay of Pigs. It will be a Bay of Pigs Part 2. A Michael Bay of Pigs. But I seem to have gone off on a tangent, my friends, and so I apologize.
As always, rumors must be taken with a grain of salt, but El Presidente trusts JoBlo far more than I trust those posers at that other Latino-themed Hollywood gossip site, Latino-Review. We'll have to wait to see how this pans out, but in the meantime, I'm going to chalk this one up as another point on the scorecard for Jo Blo, CubanoReview, and The Outhouse!
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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