Hello readers! We hope you enjoyed your Memorial Day weekend! While this reporter is still recovering from a hangover of canned lager and shaped meat products, unamerican unamericans like Bleeding Cool's Rich Johnston have been busy digging up comic book scoops all weekend. Johnston's latest opportunity to brag about how much more he knows than you comes in the form of "Forever Evil," a newly registered trademark by DC Comics. According to Johnston, Forever Evil is set to be the official name of DC's "Villain's Month," in which all of their comic books will be replaced by super-rare collector's edition #1 issues featuring the villains of DC Comics instead of the heroes.
But Rich is wrong. We reached out to DC Comics head honcho Dan Didio for comment. Didio was dressed in a hooded black robe, and dark bags hung under his bloodshot eyes.
"No, no, it's nothing like that," he told us. "Forever Evil represents our continued commitment to screwing over comic book fans and creators with our malevolently inept management style."
"It's all in service to our lord, the Prince of Darkness, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Leviathan, Obama, you know?" he added while sacrificing a goat to the dark lord, Beelzebub. "Hail Satan."
But what about Villain's Month?
"Villain's Month is a part of it," Didio explained, surely to the delight of Johnston, who has been crowing about breaking the news about Villains Month for most of the year. "But it's so much more than that. Being evil is a way of life." Didio then proceeded to tell the Outhouse that he did not spend six years in Evil Comic Book School, to be called 'Dan' and prefers that the honorific "Darth" be used from now on.
He then disrobed, telling us he needed to preside as Master of Ceremonies at a Satanic sex orgy. "I won't be participating myself," Didio explained, assuaging our fears that we would be sued for slander for this parody article. He then left while humming the tune to German synthpop group Alphaville's 1984 hit, "Forever Young."
"Forever evil," Didio sang softly. "I want to be forever evil. The Nu52 will last forever, forever forever."
Normally we would tell you to stay tuned to the Outhouse for updates on this situation, but our office has suddenly become beset by a plague of locusts, and our flesh has broken out in painful lesions.