Ain't It Cool News is reporting that Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, the Norwegian directoral team behind the Oscar-nominated 2012 film Kon-Tiki, have been selected by Disney to direct the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. There are few details about the movie yet, but perhaps it will involve Captain Jack Sparrow embarking on a mystical quest to locate a post-millenial website design for AICN. In any case, the choice of directors has sparked complaints amongst internet bloggers, who cite "not knowing how the fuck to type ø without copying and pasting it." We gathered a group of the most influential bloggers on the net to discuss the issue.
"What the fuck is this shit," said Gus Sterlingham, blogger for the influential hit-farming website ComicBooks.net. "I already have twenty-seven articles planned out speculating on which part Joseph Gordon-Levitt should play in the movie. I'm gonna have to use Rønning's name at least once in each of those. Am I supposed to be expected to copy and paste it each time?"
Sterlingham's concern is being echoed across the entire blogosphere, where doing extra work is always considered detrimental.
"You expect internet journalists to expend effort to write an article?" laughed Todd Sturgeon, a respected comics journalist and bony saltwater fish. "Hahahahaha!"
"Hahahahaha!" he added.
But what other option do we have? Pirates of the Caribbean is a popular movie franchise amongst geeks, and we can't just not report on it. So what's the blogosphere to do?
"He could just change his name to Ronning," suggested ThanosCopter, The Outhouse's star reporter and an actual helicopter. "That would make things easier for everyone."
It would be easier, but would Rønning be willing to change his name just to make it easier for bloggers to write fluff articles about the movie to pull unique hits into their websites? Probably not, if he has any dignity, a concept with which internet bloggers are rarely familiar.
"That's true," admitted Copter.
So the problem remains. Thankfully, some of the finest minds in the industry are working on solving it.
"They could fire him and hire JGL," propsed Sterlingham, salivating so much that drool was actually seeping out of the corner of his mouth. "Then, as director, JGL could cast himself in any part he wants. Mmmm..."
Or maybe the solution is to just learn how to type the letter.
"You just hold down the ALT key (or OPTION on a Mac) and press the "o" key," said a frustrated Sturgeon. "It's not that fucking hard. Look: øøøøøøøøøøøøøøøø. It's just one extra keypress. For fuck's sake!"
The rest of the bloggers just stared at him.
"Oi was right about this, you know," chimed in Rich Johnston, chief rumormonger over at Bleeding Cool. "Called it months ago, I did. Joachim Rønning will direct Pirates 5, I said."
But what does that have to do with the...
"Pip pip," he added smugly. "Chim chimeney and all that, right right?"
We don't even know what that... you know what? Nevermind. We're just gonna copy and paste it.
Pirates of the Carribean 5, directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, and starring Johnny Depp, will be in theaters in July of 2015.
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