Sunday, April 22, 2018 • Morning Edition • "Resistance is futile."

2D People of Flatland Outraged by 3D Motion Covers

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, June 03 2013 and posted in News with Benefits

2D People of Flatland Outraged by 3D Motion Covers

The denizens of a fictional, two dimensional universe are confused and angered by the 3D motion covers DC is producing for villains month.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

While most of the internet comics community is skeptical of DC Comics' 3D Motion Cover marketing gimmick that was confirmed to be a part of Villains Month this morning, one segment of the community considers the covers to be a personal insult. The denizens of Flatland, an imaginary 2D universe first imagined as a satire of Victorian society and later used to illustrate multi-dimensional concepts of quantum physics, have absolutely no capacity to understand the third dimension and are completely outraged that DC is producing covers using it.

"I have no capacity for understanding the third dimension," said Felix Stewart, a flat, geometric shape and resident of Flatland. "I am completely outraged that DC is producing covers using it."

According to reports, the covers will use lenticular technology to give the illusion of three dimensions as well as the appearance of motion when the cover is viewed at different angles. Think the "hologram" covers that were so popular in the 90s, but, presumably, without the shiny, metallic tones. The addition of motion is completely meaningless to Flatlanders, however, as they simply can't comprehend the covers at all. They have no frame of reference. It's just beyond their understanding.

"Aaahhhhhh!" said Edith Rice, another Flatland resident who was terrified when shown a preview of the cover to Darkseid #1, shattering her entire understanding of the laws of physics in her universe. "Oh my god what is that?! Is it a monster! Help me!!!"

In order to understand why the 3D covers are so incomprehensible to the residents of flatland, we asked renowned quantum physicist Dr. Michio Kaku, who used the analogy in his book Hyperspace, to explain.

"To understand some of the mind-bending features of higher dimensions, imagine a two-dimensional world, called Flat land (after Edwin A. Abbott’s celebrated novel) that resembles a world existing on a flat table-top," Kaku told us. "If one of the Flatlanders becomes lost, we can quickly scan all of Flatland, peering directly inside houses, buildings, and even concealed places. If one of the Flatlanders becomes sick, we can reach directly into their insides and per form surgery, without ever cutting their skin. If one of the Flatlanders is incarcerated in jail (which is a circle enclosing the Flatlander) we can simply peel the person off from Flatland into the third dimension and place the Flatlander back somewhere else. If we become more ambitious and stick our fingers and arms through Flatland, the Flatlanders would only see circles of flesh that hover around them, constantly changing shape and merging into other circles. And lastly, if we fling a Flatlander into our three dimensional world, the Flatlander can only see two dimensional cross sections of our world, i.e. a phantasmagoria of circles, squares, etc. which constantly change shape and merge. Now imagine that we are 'three dimensional Flatlanders' being visited by a higher dimensional being."


Shut up, Michio Kaku. You nerd.

Villains Month runs all through September and will feature the villains of the DC Universe taking over the entire publishing line. We mean the fictional villains, of course, not the corporate ones who already run it. The books will retail for $3.99, though the cost to our immortal souls will surely be far greater.

Here's a collection of some of the images released so far, taken from CBR:


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

More articles from Jude Terror
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!