Academy Award winning actor Tom Hanks and smelly ginger Ron Howard will reunite for a another movie based on the Robert Langdon series of novels by author Dan Brown. While the professor of symbology decoded the paintings of Leonardo Da Vinci in the first movie and the mysteries of the Catholic Church in the second, he will be tackling a much more incomprehensible subject in this sequel: the DC Comics work of renowned writer Grant Morrison, focusing on Morrison's magnum opus, Final Crisis.
"We felt that, if we were gonna make another movie, we needed to take things to the next level," said Howard. "I mean, finding hidden messages in the architecture of ancient Rome is child's play. Understanding what the fuck is going on in Final Crisis? Now that would be impressive."
"I'm really looking forward to exploring the secret motives that Morrison had when he was writing Final Crisis," explained Hanks. "Why did he choose to focus on obscure characters from Jack Kirby's Fourth World that only maybe three readers, all of them elderly, gave a crap about? Mister Miracle? Come on! What was he trying to tell us?!"
"How many times did Batman die in this event?" asked Howard. "Once? Twice? Did Darkseid kill him, or did he die in a helicopter crash? What's with the cave drawings? Did he really die at all? There's something else going on here, and it almost certainly involves freemasonry!"
"People have studied this for years, " he added, "and they have theories, but no one really knows."
"I think part of what makes it so confusing is that none of the answers are in the Final Crisis series itself," Hanks chimed in. "You have to read all of the tie-in books, which aren't even written by Morrison. How did he put secret messages in books he didn't even write?"
Howard summed things up, telling us, "Final Crisis was such a massive clusterfuck of incomprehensible gibberish, DC ended up having to reboot their entire universe. How can one writer, no matter how high, wreak so much havoc on a fictional universe? It's the greatest mystery of our time."
Hanks as Langdon will hopefully get to the bottom of this mystery and indiscriminately defame Catholics in the process in the new film, titled Inferno. The movie will hit theaters on December 18, 2015.