Latino-Review.com is claiming to have the inside scoop on who will direct Star Trek 3. According to the latino-themed Hollywood gossip site, G.I. Joe: Retaliation director Jon M. Chu will direct the film, stepping in for J. J. Abrams, who will be too busy directing Star Wars Episode 7. This is, of course, simply a rumor and should be treated as such. However, The Outhouse did our very best to verify the claims by sending a local resident of Philadelphia to ask Abrams about it while the acclaimed director was having lunch at a local cheesesteak stand.
Philly Resident: Yo! Buddy! Is it true that Chu gonna direct Star Trek 3?
J.J. Abrams: What? No, I'm not going to be able to direct it because of the timeline."
Philly Resident: What? I know dat! I wanna know if Chu gonna direct it!
J.J. Abrams: And I just told you, I can't. Paramount wants the movie to come out in 2016 to coincide with the 50th anniversary of the television show. I'll be too busy with Star Wars. Lens flares take a lot of time and effort.
Philly Resident: Hey, whatsa matter wit' youze Hollywood types, huh? Are you fakkin' deaf or sometin'? I know that you ain't gonna direct Star Trek 3. What I want to know is, is Chu gonna direct Star Trek 3 or not?
J.J. Abrams: Leave me alone, you Neanderthal.
Philly Resident: (spits on ground) Chu gonna finish dat cheesesteak?
As you can see, Abrams isn't talking. File this one in the rumor bin for now, but keep in mind that we were totally right about the time we said that Kelly Hu would play China White on Arrow. We'll keep you updated.