Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
Internet denizens were stunned to discovered that they had used up every possible joke related to the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman. "Holy shit, guys," said Twitter user Joshua Lansberry, aka @Battleberry304. "We've run out of jokes already. But there's still like 20 months left until this movie comes out!"
Shortly after the casting was announced last night, Twitter was filled with plenty of snark and jokes about the actor, most of which referring to his performance as Daredevil a decade ago, his relationship with Matt Damon, and his Bostonian accent. "This was a very expected reaction," said Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, a Internet Historian at the University of Phoenix. "Most major casting news is the butt of jokes for a few hours, but then trails off. That didn't happen here."
However, the evening took an unexpected turn later that evening when, having exhausted the traditional avenues of Ben Affleck jokes, the Internet turned to his lesser known roles. "When I fired off the first Jack Ryan joke," said Twitter user @SayHellotoYourMotherforMe. "I knew things were getting crazy."
The Internet began to pick up steam, with jokes referencing Batman fighting Aaron Hernandez, the former New England Patriot currently indicted for murder, to a fierce debate over who should play Catwoman: current wife Jennfier Garner or Jennifer Lopez. Jokes about Gigli, Jersey Girl and He's Just Not That Into You were quickly used up as the Internet worked itself up into a feeding frenzy.
What followed was a continuous stream of increasingly vague jokes, ranging from Affleck's directing debut I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meathook, and Now I Have a Three Picture Deal at Disney, to his middle name Geza. Once the Internet began to joke about his infamous incident involving Christian Slater, lap dances and Vancouver, a slow realization kicked in that they were running out of jokes. "I tried to warn everyone," said @Battleberry304. "But it was too late. Too late."
By 5 AM this morning, the Internet had officially exhausted every possible joke about the actor, leaving the world shocked and saddened over squandering such a glorious opportunity for hilarity.
So what's next? "The Internet will probably mourn for a bit, and then rehash the jokes over and over again in an increasingly hollow attempt to milk the humor out of this," said Puffinbottoms. "But things will pick up if they do any more stunt casting for the film. So not all hope is lost."
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About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
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