Thursday, April 26, 2018 • Morning Edition • "We Wipe Last. Not Before."

Your First Look at the Stoat, Canada's Newest DC Hero

Your First Look at the Stoat, Canada's Newest DC Hero

The Outhouse has received EXXXCLUSIVE information about the new character (read: we completely made this up).

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

James Moore and Joel Jackson are Columbus based comic creators.

Since the announcement of Justice League Canada, the internet has been tepidly abuzz about the new Canadian character Jeff Lemire promised would be a part of the North of the Border team.The Outhouse has received EXXXCLUSIVE information about the new character, named The Stoat, which DC promises is an all new original concept and not at all a mediocre attempt to copy the successes of a rival company decades after the fact.

Meet the Stoat, an exciting new part of the New 52.

“This exciting new character combines a mysterious past, deep love for Tim Horton's Cafe and Bakeshop, promethium metal claws, and the badass attitude today's manchildren requires in their comic book reading,” Didio said as Jason Aaron peered through the window of the DC offices licking his lips lasciviously.

When asked what the mysterious past might include, Didio noted the character had “an Origin-I mean an origin in the top secret Project Y program as well as time spent as a kung-fu rapper from gangsta city.”

The new character was designed by Jim Lee with assistance by unpaid intern Vlad Kozinkerkov. “Lee tell Vlad "Go make more extreme. More claws.  More costumes lines,'" said Vlad.  "So that is what I do.” 

After the intense design session, Lee reportedly curled up in a ray of sunshine for a long nap, having completed his one piece of art for the month.  "Prrrrrrrrrrr," said Lee, kneading his fingers and toes in the carpet.

Didio also reported the character is proving so popular with creators he’s in talks to poach one of Marvel’s top writers to launch the spinoff, but he still has to negotiate a monthly beard oil allowance for the unnamed writer.

Didio plans to take a cautious approach to introducing the Stoat. “After he becomes the breakout star of Justice League Canada, we plan on introducing his solo title a whole month later because we don’t want to overexpose him,” Didio said while dollar signs replaced his pupils. “Then it’s just one new monthly title a month for the next year including Stoat and the Junior Justice League of Teenage Girls, The Exxxtreme Stoat, Batman/Stoat, The Uncanny Stoat, Stoat and the Outsiders, Stoat/Wonder Woman, Stoat Detroit, Stoat 2099, Batman/Superman/Wonder Woman/Stoat, and the thirty-week event Crisis on Infinite Stoats.”

When asked if this was expecting too much of a “new” character, Didio said the Stoat would integrate seamlessly into the DCU.”You’ll see in The Stoat: Year Zero tie in about Bruce Wayne's time in Canada training with The Royal Canadian Mounted Police and how these two heroes inspired one another. And will this sultry bad boy have sparks with a certain Amazonian princess and put a wedge in the World’s Finest Couple? Did we mention he has seven evil exes to fight?”

“With such a fresh concept we expect him to be one of our most lucrative properties for years to come! Why are you asking about Anima? I don’t see what Razorsharp and Shadowstryke has to do with anything?” Didio concluded.



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About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


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