Comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting from inside a chemical weapons facility in Syria. Why? It's the last place Obama is ever going to look for me!
Today, my friends, I have a hot rumor from the always churning Star Wars rumor mill. Film Chronicles is reporting that Benedict Cumberbatch will be the subject of the big casting announcement rumored to be coming from Disney and J.J. Abrams about Star Wars Episode 7. No word on who Cumberbatch will play, but we know from all the other unsubstantiated rumors that the movie will feature the entire original cast, the cast of at least six different extended universe novels, the children and grandchildren of Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Princess Leia, the return of Darth Vader, and multiple character played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt!
Rumors on top of rumors! It's like a five layer chocolate rumor cake and this is the gooey, scooptastic filling oozing out of every bite and making my beard all wet and sticky! Yum!
Cumberbatch recently announced that he would be leaving Guillermo Del Toro's Crimson Peak, which is filming around the same time (or maybe he was never in it, and that was just a rumor too!), and of course Abrams just used him in Star Trek: Into Darkness, so the story is at least plausible. Also, Film Chronicles must have a very high score in the game of Hollywood gossip, since this one has been picked up by major outlets like the Huffington Post and IGN.
Does that mean it will be true? Who the hell knows, comrades?! My plan is to just keep reporting on all of them, then go back and delete the articles that turned out not to be true. I'll be batting a thousand, my friends, and all the Google cache results in the world will never prove me wrong!
Stay tuned to The Outhouse and Cubano Review for all your movie gossip needs!