Deadline is reporting that True Blood's next season will be the last. The news is a crushing blow for fans of the sexy vampire drama, who will have to look elsewhere for all their nude Alexander Skarsgard needs. The move comes as something of a shock, since the show is still successful, with an average 4.24 million viewers last season (the previous season averaged 4.67). In fact, most analysts believe that the network could simply broadcast Skarsgard walking around shirtless in slow motion for an hour each Sunday and the show would still pull in at least 3 million viewers. However, it looks like HBO simply hates True Blood fans and wants them to be unhappy, a theory which makes sense considering the show's plot and writing for the last three seasons.
"Screw the fans," said HBO founder and CEO John Box Office, reportedly.
"Ptew!" he added, spitting on the ground to punctuate his disdain for the viewers.
All of the major cast members will return for the final season, including Anna Paquin's tits, Alexendar Skarsgard's glistening abdominal muscles, and Stephen Moyer's pouty face.
The cancellation is a major blow for fans, who were looking forward to complaining about how much the show has sucked since Season Four for years to come.
"It's so unfair," complained George Duncan, a longtime True Blood viewer. "I had at least five more years of bitching endlessly about the show on the internet left in me."
In related news, Showtime is reportedly working on a show called "Gratuitous Shiny-Crotched Fairy Orgasms and Werewolf Penises" in an attempt to pick up some of True Blood's displaced viewers. Though the show has just entered the conception phase, over one million viewers have reportedly tuned their televisions into Showtime and are planning on just leaving it there until the show airs.
Stay tuned to The Outhouse for further updates.