Thursday, January 24, 2019 • Midnight Edition • "Newsarama 2: Outhouse Boogaloo."

Vladimir Putin Addresses American People About Ben Affleck Batman Casting

Written by Jude Terror on Thursday, September 12 2013 and posted in News with Benefits

Vladimir Putin Addresses American People About Ben Affleck Batman Casting

In an editorial for the New York Times, the Russian leader voiced his concerns that Affleck was the right choice to play the Dark Knight.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

As the United States remembered the tragic events of September 11, 2001 yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin took to the nation's premier newspaper, the New York Times, to deliver a blunt and honest message to the American people about a matter of great international importance: the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman in Warner Bros. upcoming Man of Steel sequel, Superman vs. Batman.

"Relations between us have passed through different stages," Putin explained in the long essay, referring to Russia and the United States' history from World War 2 through the Cold War. "We stood against each other on whether Michael Keaton could play a convincing Batman."

"But we were allies once also," he continued, "and together we agreed that Batman Forever was the worst piece of crap ever put to film."

Putin went on to make a strong case against putting the portrayal of DC Comics' most popular hero into the hands of the man who stunk up the screen in Daredevil, Gigli, and the abysmal Jersey Girl.

"I want to speak directly to the American people and remind them that Affleck has won four Golden Raspberry awards, and he's been nominated for nine," the president went on to say.

Putin's decision to address the American public as a foreign leader is unprecedented in recent memory, especially when it comes to superhero movie casting. The last time a foreign despot did anything remotely similar was the open letter in the Washington Post from Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi expressing doubt that Sean Connery could satisfactorily reprise his role as James Bond in 1983's Never Say Never Again, twelve years after he had been replaced by Roger Moore in Live and Let Die. In that instance, Gaddafi turned out to be correct.

As for Putin, he views his role as one of peacemaker, upholding the standards of international law. "From the outset, Russia has advocated peaceful dialog encouraging Hollywood to cast a suitable actor in the role of the caped crusader. We are not protecting Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I know he is too small to be Batman."

"I just don't think I can take seriously a Bruce Wayne with a strong Boston accent," he concluded. "And the American people do not want that either."

As of press time, Warner Bros. and DC Comics had not responded to Putin's calls for dialog and plan to press forward on the film with Affleck in the role, whether or not they are able to form a coalition of willing allies to support them.


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

More articles from Jude Terror
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!