Source: Star Wars lightsabers finally invented
OBAMA CITY, OBAMA: as of 12:00 pm on September 30, 2056, geeks, dweebs, nerds, spazzes, and dorks - groups not particularly known for their hand eye coordination - have been declared endangered species by the New World Order's Department Of Protection, fulfilling a prediction by a noted scientist from over 40 years ago, according to historical records of the era:
"It's a given that, whatever the cost and danger, every single geek on the face of the planet will have to own one of these," predicts Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, a geek behavioral expert at the University of Phoenix. "This will cause the possession of life-threatening object to physical coordination ratio to skyrocket, which could result in major damage to the geek population."
"The geek species could become endangered within months of the technology's widespread availability," the professor continued. "Combined with their lack of proficiency at procreation, this could prove disastrous."
Uber-geeks, a parental subterranean dwelling sub species, sold their Spawn comics in droves to be amongst the first “early adapters” of light saber technology. As a result, the uber-geek is an all-but-extinct creature, surviving only in New World Order human zoos along with “gun nuts”, “FOX NEWS reporters” and The Dutch.
President-For-Life, Glorious Leader, Benevolent Tyrant, and All Around Good Guy, Barack Obama had this to say at the Daily Abortion / National Homeroom press conference:
We in charge of the One World Government will not rest until the numbers of geeks, dweebs, and all related species, are back to their pre-lightsaber levels. We will do this by adding lightsabers to the list of banned weapons under The Anti-Second Amendment Act of 2018, and strictly enforcing the geek / normal human mating program just added to the current procreation schedule that was sent to everyone's implants this morning.
Mr. Obama then gave the nod for today’s televised abortion and released all school age children from homeroom.
When reached for comment, the blue holographic ghost of George Lucas responded only with:
Han shot first!
FOLLOW-UP: Visitors to Obama’s National Obama City Socialized Fascist Vegan Zoo For The Criminally Conservative report hearing someone yelling “Pinheads! Those geeks were a bunch of pinheads!” coming up from the zoo’s drains. Reports are as of yet unconfirmed from the New World Order’s Press Secretary, Scott Hall
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About the Author - GHERU
RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time. RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage. Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write. RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them. RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor. You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).
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