Well, it's been a strange couple of days for beleagured DC Comics, who had been doing SO WELL at not doing something stupid, and Internet Gossipy Gadfly, and Comics Industry Ne'r Do Well, Rich "Oy! I Knew About That First!" Johnston.
As you should very well know if you read this site's front page (Kongdammit, yes, we have one of those. Stop asking that!) Rich Johnston broke a story the other day that DC Comics, realizing they may have exhausted the supply of stupid things to do in New York City, are moving out to sunny California. Surely, nobody could do anything stupid in California, the state that elected international statesman and baby daddy Ah-nold Braunshweiger to the office of the Governator.
And, as you surely read, the Twittersphere went bananas. The leader of the pitchfork-and-torches crowd was Ron Marz, throwing a tantrum because Johnston reported the story before DC Staff had all been informed, and that somehow this one act of journalism in Rich's gossipy career was just really bad form. Johnston revealed that he was given the go-ahead to run the story by DC Execs, but the twittersphere had already paid the deposit on those torches, so as we speak, Bleeding Cool is burning to the ground.
But, in an Outhouse exclusive, we've got a comment on the subject by someone nobody expected to chime in, not least of which being because he's been dead for almost twenty years: Former US President Richard Milhous Nixon!
"Listen, Ron Marz is totally right", Nixon's ghost told this reporter via the strangest Ouija board conversation ever, "It was a totally bullshit move for a journalist to break a news story. But what the hell did DC Comics expect? If you're doing something stupid, there's ALWAYS some asshole media type who is going to try to screw you. That's what 'journalism' means: Find a way to screw Nixon. Or DC. Whichever. I mean, look at those gossip journalists who came after me! Marz and Heidi MacDonald wanna whine that Johnston bragged on the interwebz? Boo fucking hoo! Woodward and Bernstein wrote two goddamn books about me! And then made a movie out of it! Bastards. They didn't give ME the chance to tell my people about Watergate, they just threw it into the newspaper! And this Johnston's no different. Filthy pinko. But don't worry. My people are gonna get him too."
At that point, this reporter had to remind the President that Johnston is not American, to which Nixon replied "Oh, Jesus. Even worse. "
At that point, Nixon stormed off, muttering something about haunting what's left of Henry Kissinger.
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About the Author - Robert Morris
Robert Morris has never met a monkey he didn't want to shake hands with.
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