For reasons convenient to this story, a group of Marvel Comics staff and talent including Jason Aaron, Rick Remender, Dan Slott, Peter David, Walt Simonson, Matt Fraction, Tom Brevoort, Chris Claremont, and others, along with Game of Thrones scribe George R. R. Martin were having lunch at the Cask'N'Flagon, a sports bar near Fenway Park in Boston on Wednesday when they were mistakenly identified as members of the Boston Red Sox and ended up winning the final game in the 2013 World Series. The unlikely event marks the first time a team of comic book writers and George R. R. Martin have won a major sports championship, but it was also a somewhat bittersweet moment for the residents of the city, who were hoping for the actual Boston Red Sox to win the game.
"It would have been wicked nice if the Sahx victory capped a hahtwarming story of triumph that healed the city from the marthon bombing earlier this year, but this is almost as good" reasoned local baseball fan Eileen O'Sullivan, trying to make the best of the situation.
O'Sullivan's sentiments are echoed throughout the city this morning, as fans of the team do their best to take pride in the return of the World Series championship to the city while at the same time reconciling the fact that it was not technically their beloved home team that scored the game-winning run against the St. Louis Cardinals, but instead a group of out-of-shape nerds that make comic books for a living, and George R. R. Martin. How could such a grave error have occurred?
"We were eating a lunch," explained George R. R. Martin, "sandwiches of the finest corned beef, on rye bread toasted to a golden brown and pierced with toothpicks, six fresh salads with raspberry vinaigrette and garlic herb croutons, soups, both house and chicken noodle, a regional chowder made of clams, potatoes, onions, and bacon stewed for ten hours in cream over a medium fire, spicy buffalo wings, endless flagons of lager, chilled..."
"We were in town for a mini creative retreat," interrupted X-Factor writer Peter David, "talking about a new crossover event Jason is planning called Wolverine War, and we thought we'd grab a late lunch and talk about story beats."
"This worried looking guy in a Red Sox jacket came in the door and he was like, 'There you are! Where have you guys been! The game starts in a few hours!'" Superior Spider-Man writer Dan Slott chimed in."He seemed really relieved, and we usually just wing these crossovers anyway. So we went with him."
"We ended up in a limo with a police escort," explained executive editor Tom Brevoort, "being ushered to Fenway Park, and by the time we realized that they had mistaken us for the Boston Red Sox because of our beards, the Dropkick Murphys were two thirds of the way through the National Anthem and there was no turning back."
The Boston Red Sox are sporting full beards as part of a superstitious playoff tradition, while the comic book pros all have full beards because they're male comic book writers. It was an easy mistake, and it led to one of the most triumphant and yet awkward moments in the history of the city.
"Oh my stars and garters!" shouted an invigorated Chris Claremont.
The team performed far better than expected. Taking the lead in the third inning with three runs and adding another three in the fourth. The Cardinals never recovered, and seemed powerless against the Marvel and Martin teamup, who kept them to just one run in the entire game. The top of the ninth was little more than a victory lap.
"It's like they were afraid of us," pointed out a laughing Jason Aaron. "They kept walking Big Papi."
"That's what he calls George R. R. Martin," explained Aaron's sidekick, Rick Remender.
At an uncomfortable post-game ceremony, Boston Mayor Thomas Menino presented the 2013 World Series Championship Trophy to the team while the emotional crowd remembered the last time the city won a World Series at home, ninety-five years ago, when Gasonline Alley cartoonist Frank King was mistaken for Red Sox pitcher Carl Mays and defeated the Chicago Cubs.
"The mayor was nonplussed," Martin added.
Fox sportscaster Tim McCarver retired in disgust after the game was over.