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Oni PR Department Gets Stoned, Sends Awesome Press Release

Oni PR Department Gets Stoned, Sends Awesome Press Release

Someone smoked a lot of pot before writing this press release for Black Metal 3 and Helheim: The Witch War TPB. Rock on, guys.



Source: Sweet Fucking Press Release

Duuuuuuude. Dude.

Check out this press release Oni just sent us:

 

Oni Press’ METAL MARCH Scorches the Earth with BLACK METAL 3 and HELHEIM: THE WITCH WAR TPB
 
A woefully unprepared world quakes in glee and terror, awaiting the arrival of their new demonic masters
 
PARTS UNKNOWN (October 31st, 2013) – Dictated, but not read.
 
"Evil ones! Hear my call! We gather here this night, beneath dark clouds. A fellowship of the damned, a cabal of ravenous beasts, slick with hate, bathed in innocent blood.
 
The heavy fog of our combined evil has enshrouded us from the anointed so that we may surround this accursed altar, far from the light.
 
Let us join our charred visages, raise our vile sigils, and speak the forbidden tongues, so that we may pierce the inter-dimensional veil and our dark masters may hear our cries!
 
HELHEIM VOLUME 1: THE WITCH WAR, bring your ghastly visage forth! Fly low on battered black wings, so that your heavy blades may reach the necks of thine enemies with gruesome precision!
 
BLACK METAL VOLUME 3, may the thunderous clacking of your cloven hooves strike a paralyzing fear into the hearts of the holy, spelling their doom across the stars!
 
This most unholy of days, let us join together in shared annihilation and pronounce MARCH 2014 "ONI PRESS' METAL MARCH", the chiming of man’s final hour! At this time, darkness shall cover the scorched Earth as Oni Press surveys the screaming land astride these twin beasts of the Stygian apocalypse!"
 
NOW, LET SLIP THE COLLECTION PLATE OF WAR!
 
BLACK METAL VOLUME 3
Written by Rick Spears
Art by Chuck BB

So metal it should be bound in ununhexium! Comics’ most unholy epic trilogy comes to a thunderous close as brothers Sam and Shawn Stronghand defeat death to summon a force more evil than the Prince of Darkness himself!
HELHEIM Vol. 1: THE WITCH WAR
Written by Cullen Bunn
Art by Joëlle Jones
Colors by Nick Filardi
Letters by Ed Brisson
 
The Viking warrior Rikard is many things, but unstoppable and undead are chief among them. Witness the mortal carnage as he bludgeons his way to solace through the grotesque armies of two warring witches in this collection of HELHEIM’s first six-issue series!
 
 
P.S. Thanks for everyone's kind donations.  We were able to get the congregation's van one hell of a tune up!
 
 




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About the Author - Jude Terror


Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably.  Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work.  Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.

 


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