Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
Residents of the Marvel Universe awoke on Sunday morning with a strange and ominous feeling. Though it felt like 9AM, it was actually only 8AM. Sources inside the Marvel Universe confirmed to The Outhouse today that, sometime around 3AM last night, time shifted and it became 2AM again. Reports also indicate that, while some clocks, like those in computers and on cable receivers, adjusted to match the time slippage, others, like the alarm clock next to your bed, remained stuck in "old" time, and had to be adjusted manually, a massive inconvenience.
"This is definitely an indicator that something is very, very wrong with with the space time continuum," explained super-smart but mildly autistic leader of the Fantastic Four, Reed Richards. "We think it may have something to do with Wolverine traveling back in time to kill Hank Pym during the Age of Ultron, and then traveling back again to kill himself in order to stop himself from killing Hank Pym."
"That Wolverine!" Richards laughed, thinking of the cold and ruthless murder the surly mutant is known for engaging in at every opportunity. "Such a kidder!"
"Yeah, Wolverine's actions during Age of Ultron are known to have resulted in an angry space-babe named Angela ripping through the fabric of space and time and appearing in our universe," agreed smug 1%er Tony Stark. "But we never imagined that the consequences of his reckless, murderous actions would hit so close to home."
"An extra hour," Stark shuddered. "My god."
"We're getting a lot of intelligence that points to a new group, calling itself the D.S.T., being responsible for this," director of S.H.I.E.L.D. Maria Hill told The Outhouse. "We're not sure if they're an offshoot of A.I.M. or Hydra, or a new group entirely, but we're positive that they're up to no good."
"It ain't right," said an almost feral Wolverine when we visited him at the Jean Grey School to ask him about the strangeness. "Time's broken, and it's my fault. That mean's I gotta fix it."
Wolverine spun around and sliced a classroom wall clock into four pieces with his claws. "RRAAARRRRGGGGHH!" the enraged mutant shouted as he attacked the clock.
"I'm the best I am at what I do, bub," he explained, "and what I do is solve all my problems by stabbing things without thinking of the consequences."
Just then, Wolverine became aware of the sounds of some students arguing loudly down the hallway in his school. "I'll be right back, bub," he told us, popping his claws.
At press time, the heroes of the Marvel Universe were reportedly gathering together, about to embark on an epic adventure to get to the bottom of the time anomaly and save the entire Universe from impending doom, probably in a six-issue blockbuster comics event with multiple tie-ins and hologram variant covers.
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