Marvel, where a hero can go back in time and murder another hero (two actually, but who’s counting) and not face judgment has finally come to the realization that the product they produce may rub some readers the wrong way.
“When I first started reading Marvel,” began longtime zombie DoEyeNoU, “Scott Summers was married with a son, and now…ugh, Scott left his wife and son to go chase his resurrected girlfriend – who he never told he was married – and is now teaming up with Magneto. MAGNETO! And don’t get me started on Wolverine! He used to be the best there was at what he did, and what he did was kill; that’s it! Now he’s some kind of Eagle Scout that knows how to do, well, everything."
“All that is nothing compared to the fact that I read last night that Marvel is going to have a Muslim hero…”
Woahhhh, there, Nelly! The Outhouse had to stop the interview with DoEyeNoU right there because, well, that kind of talk has no place on a comic book website.
“You mean to tell me that the company that had Mockingbird get raped by her own son and dumped by her husband at the same time JUST NOW realized they are offensive!” exclaimed noted girl, SeriousAboutEverythingSally, “Wow, it only took them 50 years!”
At press time, Marvel had yet to verify that the “Offensive” teaser was in response to these, and many others, indiscretions, but critics have already pointed out that if this is some sort of apology then Marvel has already screwed up by not putting one of their A-List writers on the assignment.
“What is this, some sort of Daniel Bryan project?” Asked Outhouse contributor, HHH “I am an A+ reader and I deserve an A+ apology for Avengers vs X-Men!”
We here at The Outhouse do not agree with HHH's assertions above, primarily because Simon Spurrier's Six Gun Gorilla is freaking epic and fuck us if Rock-He Kim's covers weren't the best part of Age Of Ultron.
Whatever it's about, expect Offensive to be explained by some other site that takes this kind of thing a bit more serious than we do, three days after BleedingCool tells everyone.