Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
Since it was revealed earlier today that Neil Gaiman and J.H. Williams III's Sandman Overture #2 would be delayed until February (it was originally supposed to come out in December), fans all over the internet have been in an uproar, demanding that The Outhouse reset the counter at Has DC Done Something Stupid Today, currently running at over a month since the last act of stupidity. While The Outhouse would love nothing more than to reset the counter and thus reap a bounty of delicious unique hits, as a serious parody activist organization maintaining a single page website for the purpose of trolling an entertainment conglomerate, we feel that we must consider all of the possibilities before blaming the delays on DC. After all, while DC should not have solicited a book that they were not sure they could release, especially less than two months since 3Dnado caused all those allocations, it's not like they're really in any position to tell Neil Gaiman and J.H. Williams what to do. Therefore, it's a distinct possibility that the delay is completely outside of DC's control, and so we can't conclusively determine that it's DC beng stupid... yet.
So, while we wait for Williams or Gaiman to speak on the delay, or for someone to leak the info to Rich Johnston, we've come up with a list of the top 25 reasons why the delays might not be DC's fault:
#25 - Neil Gaiman was hit over the head by a falling coconut while visiting Hawaii, got amnesia, and now believes he's a cast member on Gilligan's Island. Doctors are working around the clock to restore his memories.
#24 - Marvel unleashed the Stuxnet virus on DC's servers, causing all of their art files to be deleted, and also their secret nuclear processing facilities to malfunction.
#23 - UPS accidentally delivered Sandman Overture artwork to the Westboro Baptist Church, who promptly burned it.
#22 - DC's FTP is run by the same people who handle healthcare.gov. J.H. Williams is still waiting to upload pages. Thanks, Obamacare!
#21 - As the final pages were being delivered to DC's offices, a large bird swooped down out of the sky, grabbed the pages in its talons, and carried them to its nest on top of a volcano. DC's top interns are working on getting them back as soon as possible, but the plan requires Bob Harras to don lipstick and colorful plumage and present himself as a distraction, and Bob takes forever to get ready.
#20 - While vacationing in Europe, the script to Sandman Overture was captured by a Turkish sex ring, forcing Shelly Bond to use the skills she learned as a CIA operative to get them back.
#19 - The scripts were accidentally delivered to New Jersey, forcing DC executives to declare them lost for eternity.
#18 - Neil Gaiman delivered the script tattooed to Amanda Palmer's back. When JH Williams tried to read the script, his wife walked in and got the wrong idea.
#17 - The pages are ready, but in retaliation for being ousted from Batwoman before finishing his storyline, J.H. Williams is currently standing in Dan Didio's office, holding out the pages, saying "Here, just take them," then snatching them out of reach at the last second, yelling "PSYCH!" and laughing like a lunatic. This has been going on for three straight weeks.
#16 - Williams inserted Batwoman giving the middle finger into every panel, forcing intern Vlad Kozinkerov to use his photoshop skills to remove them all.
#15 - Williams realized he was going to be running late and hired Jim Lee, Ethan Van Sciver, and Bryan Hitch to help him finish the artwork. The issue immediately was delayed in anticipation of never getting the artwork.
#14 - Image is holding the finished pages hostage until Image United #3 is finished.
#13 - J.H. Williams named his fantasy football team The Sandman: Overture #2 and is really angry that Arian Foster is out for the season, and he hasn't been able to bring himself to finish the pages.
#12 - In a charming coming of age story, Rich Johnston broke into DC's offices with the intention of losing his virginity and becoming a man, but, due to a hilarious series of unfortunate coincidences, ended up leaving with the script to Sandman Overture #2 instead of Geoff Johns' underpants.
#11 - After Dan Didio placed the finalized pages next to his window to dry, Jim Lee curled up on top of them to take a nap. He hasn't woken up yet.
#10 - The pages were stolen right from under DC's noses at the last minute by a well-meaning archeologist who insists that they belong in a museum.
#9 - The pages were set on fire by a mad king, causing the pages for Sandman:Overture #3 and #4 to declare a war against the Iron Throne.
#8 - While being couried across the Pacific Ocean, the plane the pages were on landed on a mysterious island and now find themselves dealing with polar bears, dated CGI smoke monsters and a love triangle involving a doctor and a criminal.
#7 - In a highly improbable coincidence, the final pages for Sandman Overture #2 turned out to be exactly the same as top secret plans for a US nuclear space-based missile defense system. Everyone at DC is currently enjoying the pleasure of compulsory anal probing by the NSA until the whole mess can be sorted out under the provisions of the Patriot Act.
#6 - The pages left DC after getting fed up with the bullying of junior editor Richie Incognito.
#5 - The issue's father was assassinated shortly after arriving on a desert world, forcing the issue to flee into the desert and become the Kwisatz Haderach.
#4 - The book isn't getting delayed at all. DC is just spreading that rumor to find out exactly who is leaking rumors to Rich Johnston.
#3 - The three month delay is actually Sandman: Overture #2. Neil Gaiman's comic book has transcended paper and become time itself.
#2 - Neil Gaiman realized that Sandman: Overture #2 had the exact same plot as Thor: The Dark World, necessitating a complete rewrite. J.H. Williams claims that his Thor/Loki love scene is the greatest thing he's ever drawn.
#1 - Your mother happened to them. Nuff said.
Of course, it's probably DC's fault. And if we find that out for sure, we'll reset the counter. Until then, stay tuned...
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