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Marvel Planning to Lower S.H.I.E.L.D. Quality to Increase Ratings

Written by Jude Terror on Wednesday, November 13 2013 and posted in News with Benefits

Marvel Planning to Lower S.H.I.E.L.D. Quality to Increase Ratings

Seeing that the increased quality of the show has brought falling ratings, Marvel hopes to reverse the process by making the show crappier.

Last night's episode of Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. was perhaps the best yet, but, unfortunately for Marvel, the ratings fell again for the show, hitting a record low in both total viewers (6.63 million) and the popular men 18-49 demographic, in which it scored a 2.2 (down 12% from last week). Desperately seeking a way to save the show, Marvel analysts have discovered a direct correlation between the quality of the episodes and the ratings: as the show gets better, less people watch it. The solution to this problem is simple: make a shittier show.

"The people have spoken," declared executive producer Joss Whedon. "They don't want an enjoyable show with engaging storylines and characters they care about. They want a disappointment. Well, message received. I should have trusted the system."

Whedon went on to promise that future episodes of the show will feature less character development for Agents Fitz and Simmons, and more emotionless acting from Agent Ward. "There will be absolutely no believable sexual tension between any characters on the show," he swore.

According to sources at Marvel, teams of writers are working around the clock to scrub the rest of the season of any ongoing mysteries, such as what happened to Agent Coulson after the Battle for New York and why all of Skye's shirts are missing the top three buttons, and replace them with generic monster of the week plots, though none of those monsters will be recognizable characters from the Marvel Universe.

"To viewers who have commented on how much better the last two episodes have been," Whedon concluded in a heartfelt statement, "I apologize. From the bottom of my heart. We'll do much worse from now on. I promise."

The next episode of Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. airs on Tuesday at 8E/7C on ABC.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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