Image Comics fans who are incapable of going to Image's website, purchasing a DRM-free comic, and transferring it to their reading device will be thrilled to learn this morning that Google is now selling Image digital comics directly on its Google Play store. Fans of books about sexually deviant young couples who stop time by engaging in kinky sex and then commit crimes will be even more pleased to learn that Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky's Sex Criminals is among the offerings in the store, though it is conveniently hidden from the main promotional page and has to be searched for to find. Sex Criminals, which features graphic sexual situations, was pulled from Apple's digital store earlier this month for being very naughty, similarly to the way Apple pulled an issue of Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples' Saga because it featured explicit gay blowjobs (come on - we know you want to click that link).
Asked for comment by The Outhouse, a Google representative directed us to a recorded video statement from Google CEO Larry Page to Apple CEO Tim Cook:
An Apple spokesperson also responded to calls for comment, telling The Outhouse, "Apple remains committed to offering our customers the kind of wholesome entertainment that's suitable for the entire family, and which you can read on the train or the bus without being afraid of being sent to an obscenity gulag in the new world order that will be imposed when Apple uses its army of lawyers and a giant death robot powered by the frozen brain of Steve Jobs to conquer the world and remake it in Apple's image. Bwahahaha! Kneel before Jobs, human garbage! Die, humanity, die! Wait, that last part is off the record, right?"
Apple recommended that fans unable to purchase Sex Criminals on their iOS device try out some of Apple's less offensive content, such as Eminem's new album, The Marshal Mathers LP 2, featuring such lyrics as:
Yeah, I'm rich as a bitch
But bitches ain't shit, I'd rather leave a bitch in a ditch
Bitch you complain when you listen to this
But you still throw yourself at me
That's what I call pitchin' a bitch
That's why I'm swinging at these chicks on sight
Long as I got a bat and two balls it's foul, but my dick's on strike
So all that love shit is null and void, bitch I'm a droid
I avoid Cupid, stupid wasn't for blowjobs you'd be unemployed
Oi-oi-oi, man oh man, your boy-boy-boy's getting sick of these girls-girls-girls
Oink-oink-oink, you fuckin' pigs, all you're good for is doink-doink-doink
"I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one"
She's all 99 of 'em; I need a machine gun
I take 'em all out; I hope you hear this song and go into a cardiac arrest
Have a heart attack and just drop dead
And I'mma throw a fucking party after this, cause YES
Appletopia: where violent misogyny is less offensive than penises in comic books, and where the rectangle is a thing you should patent.
We got a little off track there, didn't we? Well, Image has been putting out what's easily the best content in comics lately, and those comics being available in more places is a good thing.
Note: At press time, all issues of both Saga and Sex Criminals can be found by searching on both Google Play and the iTunes store, at least when searching on PC. We don't own an iOS device because they cost 600 fucking dollars.
Here's Image's official press release:
Image Comics, the leading publisher of creator-owned comics, continues its mission to bring comics to readers around the world by announcing today that Image Comics single issues and collections are now available on Google Play!