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Turkey Begs for Release from Constant Comic Death and Resurrection Cycle

Written by ThanosCopter on Thursday, November 28 2013 and posted in News with Benefits

Turkey Begs for Release from Constant Comic Death and Resurrection Cycle

The turkey has been eaten five times only to be brought back to life repeatedly.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

This Thanksgiving, millions of turkeys will be cooked and eaten by hungry and happy families.  For most of those turkeys, Thanksgiving marks the permanent end of their story. But at least one turkey isn't so sure.  Frank, a turkey denizen of the Marvel Universe, has been killed, plucked and stuffed at least five times, only to be resurrected each time. "Gobble, gobble, gobble," said Frank during an exclusive interview with the Outhouse. 

Frank first appeared on the table of the Fantastic Four, having been killed and then roasted by Johnny Storm before being served for a Thanksgiving dinner.  Unfortunately, that dinner was interrupted by the arrival of the Impossible Man, who resurrected the turkey as a cruel prank.  "Gobble, gobble, gobble," Frank explained.  After the Fantastic Four defeated the Impossible Man, Frank was subjected to numerous experiments by Reed Richards before being released into the wild.

The turkey found himself yet again on a Thanksgiving table during the events of the Infinity Gauntlet and was erased from existence along with half of the universe by Thanos.  When Nebula reversed Thanos's actions at the conclusion of that event, Frank found himself again alive, freaking out his second Thanksgiving family, and fleeing into the woods around Westchester. 

Frank lived peacefully for a time before being hunted and killed by Wolverine in preparation for the X-Men's Thanksgiving dinner.  Unfortunately, before his carcass could be disposed, the Phoenix Force arrived on Earth and briefly reanimated Frank before moving on to Jean Grey's smoldering corpse in the events of Phoenix: Endsong.  "Gobble, gobble, gobble," said Frank, explaining that the Phoenix Force briefly confused his body for Jean Grey, as they both had similar personalities and plumage.  

Frank, alive for a fourth time, decided to move to Paris, which he believed was safe from the constant devastation and cosmic events that seemed to occur every other week in New York.  Unfortunately, he found himself yet again on a dinner table when a French family decided to celebrate American Thanksgiving in June.  That dinner coincided with the Gargoyle's empowering as one of the Serpent's Worthy and turning the entire city of Paris to stone during Fear Itself.  When Odin reversed the actions in one of the many codas to that event, Frank again found himself alive and whole again.  

Having been brought to life once again, Frank moved back to New York just in time to see the forces of Thanos invade New York City during the events of Infinity.  While fleeing the devastation, he was plucked off the street by a deranged housewife and served as a final dinner for what was thought to be the end of the world.  Before anyone could eat Frank, Black Bolt unleashed a Terrigen Bomb, and Frank found himself in a cocoon.  "Gobble, gobble, gobble," Frank said, rolling his eyes.  He went on to explain that one of his turkey ancestors must have been the spawn of an illicit turkey/Inhuman relationship.  

Frank emerged from the cocoon, alive again, this time with three metal wings that shoot missiles and a bright green plumage.  While Frank is relatively certain that no one will want to eat him now, that he's a hideous Inhuman turkey, he's still decided to systematically wipe out the human race to ensure that his sixth death will be his last.  "Gobble, gobble, gobble," Frank said apologetically before blowing up the Outhouse reporter interviewing him.  

We wish Frank the best in his quest to avenge his many deaths and hope that he succeeds prior to the start of Matt Fraction's Inhumans, which has been delayed in order to allow Fraction to change the focus of the book from the Inhuman royal family to Frank's quest for revenge.  


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About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


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