In a new strategic move, internet shopping giant Amazon.com is turning to drones as a possible future delivery option. It would allow them to cut out the middle man of postage and squeeze a bit more profit out of every low-priced sale.
"I was involved in a trial run. They got me my package in record time," recounted Lance Smith of Wattlesbury, IL., "but they ended up taking out a family of five that was walking by in front of my house."
It's an interesting move, but with all of the out of work drones after military operations ended in the middle east, the market is flooded with potential "employees." The drones could operate within a ten mile radius of the command center and deliver a five pound payload on target.
"This is a tremendous improvement over our initial trial runs," said Chief of Amazon Drone Strikes, Amos Burnston, "at first we couldn't get them to stop flying to Pakistan, but then we discovered a subroutine already programmed into the drones for American targets."
In other news, competitor Barnes & Noble scrapped plans to introduce their delivery catapult today. When we reached out to head of development Sven Andersen about Amazon's plans, he simply threw down his clipboard and stormed off, muttering "We'll get you next time Amazon."
I, for one, welcome our Amazon drone overlords. http://t.co/aDbjCWxIMA— Ryan Higgins (@RyanHigginsRyan) December 2, 2013
I'd care way more about amazon drones if I could shout "to me, mjolnir" during a bar fight and they'd drop a hammer out of the sky to me— Sterling Gates (@sterlinggates) December 2, 2013
So, why didn't science fiction foresee people shooting Amazon Prime drones out of the sky as a way to get new books?— Eric Orchard (@Inkybat) December 2, 2013
I want the amazon drones more than I've ever wanted anything. Go fuck yourself, hoverboard.— Andy Khouri (@andykhouri) December 2, 2013