Image sent out a press release today letting the comics media know that they will soon be producing a new kind of variant cover gimmick that actually allows comics to fly. Of course, Outhouse reporters, like the rest of the internet, only read the headline of articles, but we think in this case it's pretty clear: SEX CRIMINALS AND THREE KEEP FLYING OFF THE SHELVES. So, obviously, flying variants.
We were very interested in just how Image had obtained technology to produce comic book covers that can fly, so we sent Outhouse Ace Reporter ThanosCopter to the Kentucky riverboat barge of Image mogul Robert Kirkman to ask him some questions. ThanosCopter was escorted by armed guards to meet with Kirkman, who was attended by his harem of concubines.
ThanosCopter: Thanks for seeing me. I know you're a busy man.
Kirkman: I'm not using my Walking Dead money to purchase enough land in the mountains of Kentucky to secede from the United States and form my own independent nation.
ThanosCopter (sweating): What? I didn't ask about that.
Kirkman: I know you've been saying that about me in articles. Word gets around.
ThanosCopter: I don't...
Kirkman: I just want it to be clear that I'm not doing that. That's a compete fabrication.
ThanosCopter: Can you tell our readers how Image intends to produce variant covers that actually fly?
Kirkman: What is wrong with you Outhousers?
ThanosCopter: Don't play coy with me. We know Image is planning second, maybe even third printings of these flying comic drones. What are you planning Kirkman? What's your endgame?
Kirkman: Enough! Guards! Seize him! Release the drones!
Guards: Viva Kirktopia!
We lost contact with ThanosCopter at that point, but we're sure he was able to use his onboard weapons systems to escape to safety.
In the meantime, we'll just post the press release. We're sure the body reveals what we inferred from the headline:
The first, second, and third issues of the hugely popular SEX CRIMINALS series, created by Matt Fraction (SATELLITE SAM, Hawkeye) and Chip Zdarsky (Prison Funnies), have sold out at the distributor level yet again and are already slated for a reprinting. SEX CRIMINALS #1 only just released on 9/25 this year, but quickly caught the attention of critics and readers alike. Time magazine dubbed SEX CRIMINALS the #1 comic series of the year, Multiversity Comics named it Best New Series of 2013, Comics Alliance recognized Chip Zdarsky among the Best Artists of 2013, and actor Wil Wheaton calls it “one of the best things I’ve ever read, period.” SEX CRIMINALS #2 is heading into its third printing and issue #3 into its second printing.