Marvel Entertainment didn’t send out a press release this morning. It didn’t announce their next series of announcements and those announcements subsequent announcements announcing a creative team change.
Let’s have a look at this shit we made up.
MARVEL ANNOUNCES ITS NEXT BIG ANNOUNCEMENT
Marvel Entertainment is excited to announce some of our exciting impending announcements! This coming year will see some of the most exhilarating, game-changing announcements in the history of Marvel Comics!
Pretend Marvel Editor in Chief Axel Alonso had this to say about the upcoming announcements: “The stuff I’m seeing come out of our retreats, the pitches I’m seeing come in? This stuff is incredible! Just as soon as we decide which to publish, assign the creative teams and plan our solicit schedule we might very well announce some of it, you can be sure of that!”
Unannounced Marvel Writer #1 didn’t say any of this: “I can’t wait to not want to wait to get cracking on these stories. I grew up reading all those great other writers write character/team. Ever since I was a kid I’ve filled notebooks with ideas for character/team!”
However Axel also didn’t have this to say: “We were all blown away by Unannounced Writer #1’s pitch but sometimes you just have to announce that you’re announcing a change to your original announcement.”
“I still intend to have a great relationship with Marvel in the future” Unannounced Writer #1 didn't say. “And I’m just as excited about what Unannounced Writer #2 is doing as you’re going to be when we announce it.”
“We, uh, we don’t have anything from the new writer as we haven’t announced the first writer or the title of the book yet” Alonso didn’t say. “We will be announcing that announcement soon though”.
As of press time The Outhouse hasn't received a handwritten letter from Axel Alonso announcing an upcoming press release via fax to announce an announcement email blast.
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About the Author - Jeffrey Kromer
Jeff Kromer was born in the year of our Lord 1980. The son of a boxcar tramp and Miss Nebraska 3rd Runner Up 1974 he distinguished himself early in life as “one of those guys who’s really good at carnival games”. After a failed bid for Sooner County Indiana FFA President he went into seclusion for 9 years. He emerged post NuHostess and began writing comic book reviews. He is a sousaphone enthusiast.
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